Summer was over. School had begun yet again. The alumni at Los Angeles Community College shuffled along the campus, wanting to get to their first class of the semester on time. One such student, Linda Stanley, was walking into the science building with a friend of hers, Jill Martin, talking about the science class they were taking.
"I had bio with this professor last semester," Jill said. "He's cute."
"You say that about all your professors," Linda said, as the girls walked into the classroom.
"Only because they are," Jill replied.
The girls walked over to the desks and sat down. They watched the professor, a young man in his mid twenties or so, writing on the chalkboard. Once he was finished, he looked at the clock on the wall, and adjusted his thick, black glasses. Then he pulled some sort of book out of the desk drawer and onto the table.
"Okay," he said. "I guess I'd better get this class started. If I mispronounce anybody's name, sorry, and I'll probably end up doing it all semester."
Class was underway. The professor introduced himself as Jerry Blavat after he finished taking role, and he explained a little about the class.
"This is basically biology, chemistry, genetics, a little bit of all the sciences mixed in," he said. "There will be four tests this semester, not including the midterm or the final."
A groan rang out through the classroom, followed by hisses, boos, and the occasional "no fair!"
"Hey, it's not my fault!" Jerry shouted. "It's the curriculum here!"
The class quieted down. Jerry began writing on the blackboard again, explaining the first chapter in the book.
"I want you guys to buy the book and read chapter one for homework," he said. "For those of you who already have the book, open it to page five."
The two kids who bought the book opened it up and turned to page five. Jerry started to explain something or another, which was very confusing. Linda raised her hand.
"Excuse me, Professor Blavat?" she asked. "Would you mind writing that on the board?"
"On the board?" Jerry repeated. He looked at Linda, and suddenly stopped cold for a moment or so. He just stared at her for the time being. Suddenly, he got his wits back, and picked up a piece of chalk.
"Sure," he said. "It's very simple once you get the hang of it."
Jerry proceeded to write out his formula on the board, but ended up pressing too hard, and the chalk snapped in half, and one piece flew across the classroom. Everybody then laughed.
"I . . . . . meant to do that," Jerry said. "Uhh, where was I?"
"You were writing the information on the board," Linda said.
Jerry cleared his throat and continued writing on the board, feeling only slightly embarrassed. After explaining chapter one, he told the class to read it again, and to do the exercises at the end of the chapter. Linda walked up to the desk as Jerry was gathering his things together.
"Professor?" she asked. "Do you need any help?"
"No, but thanks anyway, Miss . . . . uhh, Miss . . . ." Jerry said, trying to recall her name.
"Stanley. Linda Stanley."
"Miss Stanley. I've got it all under control."
"Okay. I'll see you tomorrow then."
Linda left the classroom. Jerry clicked his tongue against his teeth and continued to pack up his stuff. He wanted to get down to the lab in the basement where a couple of colleagues were working on various experiments involving hamsters and such. There was a knock on the door as he was clearing things up.
"Come in," he said.
"Hey, Jerry," one of those said colleagues, Mike Nesmith, said, coming into the room. "How was your first class of the semester?"
"Not too bad," Jerry replied. "All I did was snap a piece of chalk in half. It could've been worse."
Jerry reached for a stack of papers and knocked a DNA model of the table. It landed on the floor and smashed.
"That for example," he said. "Plus I've got a student who kind of makes me a bit weak in the knees."
"Oh yeah," Mike replied. "I've seen it before. It's nothin' new. You're a young guy, about the age of a lot of the students around here."
"I know. But something tells me this is going to be a long semester. What's going on in the lab, by the way?"
"Funny you should mention it. Reg and I are havin' a slight . . . . . problem with one of the hamsters."
Mike led Jerry down to the lab. Another colleague of theirs, Reggie Bushroot, was typing something up on the computer, and then glancing at an incredibly fat hamster.
"Which one is this?" Jerry asked.
"Herman," Mike said. "Now this fella is about ten times a hamster's normal weight, and we've put him on countless diets, and he won't lose the weight!"
"You think he's been getting out of his cage and sneaking into the food supply?" Reggie asked.
"Nah, it's just his genes," Jerry said, sitting down at the computer. He began typing. A diagram of Herman appeared on the screen. "See? It's his DNA structure. There's nothing to worry about."
Reggie nodded and went back to the computer. Jerry stood up, and adjusted his glasses.
"Ever think of getting contacts?" Reggie asked.
"I have," Jerry said. "But I'd never actually go through with getting them."
"You'd look a lot more attractive to women if you ditched 'em," Mike said.
"I don't know, Mike. Women don't really like a science professor. Especially a clumsy one who wears glasses."
"You're a good lookin' guy, Jerry," Mike said. "You just need a little more confidence that's all."
"A girl would be taking her life in her hands if she went out with me."
That was all there was to it. Jerry adjusted his glasses, and went over to a table full of beakers and test tubes in order to work on perfecting a formula he was testing. It was supposed to alter one's genetic structure. He had run tests on several of the lab animals, but the results were always the same: nothing. He added a few more ingredients to the mixture and then finally decided to test it on Fluffy, the white lab rabbit (no, he didn't name it. Mike's wife, Phyllis, did). Fluffy was a victim to most of Jerry's testing, only because the poor bunny's genetic structure needed to be changed drastically. He was too big for a bunny rabbit.
"This better work," he said.
"I hope so," Mike said. "I don't think ol' Fluffers can take much more of that juice of yours."
Jerry glared at Mike, took an eye dropper, and dunked it in his test tube. Then Mike took ol' Fluffers out of his cage and held him down. Jerry then took his eyedropper and stuck it in Fluffy's mouth, and administered his formula.
"Now what?" Mike asked.
"We wait about five minutes," Jerry said. Looking at his watch.
Mike and Jerry watched Fluffy intently, waiting for something to happen. Suddenly, something did happen. Fluffy began to hop about the table at a rapid pace, knocking nearly everything off the table. Mike and Jerry had to catch beakers and test tubes before they crashed to the floor (and probably blew up the science lab). Then Fluffy stopped, and appeared to shrink down to size. Soon, he was about the size of a normal cottontail rabbit.
"I think it worked," Mike said.
"Two more minutes," Jerry said. They waited. Two more minutes went by, and nothing happened. Jerry smiled.
"Yes!" he shouted. "Finally, an experiment of mine worked!"
"That's some juice, Jerry," Reggie said. "Would it work on people?"
"I don't know," Jerry said. "I've never thought about it. But I don't think I should attempt it unless it's absolutely necessary."
Reggie nodded. The next day, Jerry walked into the normal classroom in order to conduct his class. He was talking about his genetics experiment on Fluffy that day, and even brought him in as a visual. A lot of the girls thought the rabbit was just the cutest thing they had ever seen. Linda was asked to help him handle the rabbit.
"How'd you do it, professor?" she asked, rubbing her finger over Fluffy's nose.
"Simple, actually," Jerry said. "I was mixing up a formula, trying to see if it was possible to alter a subject's genes. After countless experiments on the poor rabbit, I finally got the results I wanted. Yesterday, this rabbit was too big to even be a rabbit! Here's a picture."
Jerry pulled out a picture of Fluffy that was taken when he first arrived at the lab. The students thought Jerry had a point. That rabbit was big enough to be considered a small dog! Then they looked at the rabbit in the cage on Jerry's desk. He was a lot smaller, and a lot cuter, too. All the girls began to gush.
"He's such a little cutie," Linda said, still rubbing the rabbit's nose. "Does the formula last a long time?"
"Well, he hasn't changed back to being the size of a cocker spaniel yet," Jerry said. "So I guess the effects of the formula are permanent. And judging by the clock on the wall, class is dismissed."
The students gathered their books and began to leave the classroom, all the girls saying bye-bye to the little ol' bunny rabbit. Jerry gathered his stuff together. Linda looked at him.
"Professor?" she asked.
"Yeah?" Jerry asked, looking up.
"I was wondering if you and I could get together for lunch today and you can explain how that formula works."
"Uhh . . . . . you want to get together for lunch . . . . ."
"I want to know how the formula works. I mean, if that's okay with you."
"Um, sure. Yeah. That's . . . . that's perfectly all right."
Jerry got so flustered, he dropped his books and papers on the floor. Most of them landed under the desk. He bent down to pick them up, and when he stood up, he banged his head.
"Ouch!" he shouted.
"Are you all right?" Linda asked.
"Oh yeah," Jerry said. "Perfectly fine, Miss Stanley."
"Mm hmm. Yeah. I'm sure. Positive."
"Okay, then, I guess I'll see you at twelve."
"Twelve it is, Miss Stanley."
Linda left the classroom. Once she was gone, Jerry groaned. He couldn't understand why in the world he got so flustered whenever it came to girls. Mike entered the room as Jerry gathered his things.
"Hey," he said. "What'd the students think of the experiment?"
"The guys were impressed," Jerry said. "The girls couldn't stop gushing over Fluffy."
"Well, ol' Fluffers is just about the cutest lab animal we've got. Want to get together for lunch? I've got this chemistry problem I can't figure out and I thought you'd be able to help me out."
"Can't. I'm meeting one of my students for lunch today. She wants to know about the formula."
"Ooh. A lunch date."
"It's not a date, Mike."
"Yeah, sure. Whatever you say, Jer."
"Don't call me Jer. You know I don't like being called Jer."
"I've got to go."
"Hey, swing by my place tonight for dinner. Phyllis wants to see ol Fluffers for herself. And she wants to know how you did it."
"Sure. If you take Fluffy down to the lab for me."
Mike nodded, and took the rabbit cage. He and Jerry left the classroom, talking about the formula. Twelve came along. Jerry met Linda at the student union, and the two of them began to talk about the formula a little.
"You just take certain elements into thought," he said. "And go through the DNA structure of the subject."
"Would that thing work on humans?" Linda asked.
"I don't know. I've never really thought about it. In fact, I'm not sure what it would do with a human test subject."
"Sounds like a fascinating procedure, though, professor."
Jerry smiled, and could almost feel himself blush. He took off his glasses for a minute, and suddenly someone grabbed them out of his hands. He looked up and could barely make out the coach of the football team (who's much more taller and muscular than Jerry) dangling the thick, black glasses over his head.
"Hey!" he shouted. "Give those back! You know I'm blind without my glasses!"
"You want 'em back?" the coach asked. "You want 'em back? Here, you can have 'em back. Catch!"
The coach threw the glasses to a member of the football team, who through it to another guy on the team. It was a regular game of monkey in the middle, and Jerry was the monkey. Everybody was laughing like crazy at that. Finally, the coach got the glasses back, and lowered them to Jerry. Once he tried to grab them, the coach lifted them into the air, making it nearly impossible for Jerry to get them. Finally, Jerry moved his chair closer to the coach, stood on it, and made a grab for his glasses. That turned out to be a mistake. The coach side stepped, and Jerry fell off the chair, landing flat on his face. CRASH! Everybody laughed. The coach dropped the glasses on the floor and walked off. The rest of the football team laughed hysterically.
"What a loser!" one shouted.
"Can you believe that?" another asked. "Pathetic!"
Jerry put on his glasses, and wished the floor would swallow him. He wanted to crawl into a hole and die. He stood up, and glanced at Linda. She happened to be talking to one of the football players. And she appeared to be enjoying his company. The two of them were laughing over something. Jerry turned away, and ran from the student union as fast as he could. He dashed into his lab, and sat there among the test tubes and beakers for the rest of the afternoon. Later, Mike came down to the lab, to try to get him out.
"Come on, Jerry," he said. "You can't stay down here forever, you know."
"How am I gonna show my face in class tomorrow?" he asked. "About six members of the football team is in my class."
"Oh come on. It can't be that bad."
"The coach stole my glasses, and threw them around the student union. I felt like the world's greatest living fool."
"Look, why don't you, me, and Phyllis go out, and you can forget all about the football team? She really wants to know about this formula."
Jerry thought it over. He heaved a sigh, stood up, and turned to Mike.
"What did you have in mind for dinner?" he asked.
"Come on," Mike said. "There's a bar in town the kids go to, Rockin' Robin's I think it's called. Phyllis is meetin' us there."
Jerry agreed, and he and Mike left the campus to go to the bar. Phyllis was sitting at the bar, waiting for the guys.
"What took you so long?" she asked.
"I had to drag Jerry out of the lab," Mike said.
"Working on another formula?" Phyllis asked.
"I wish," Jerry said. "No. I just made a fool out of myself in front of the whole student union and about fifty kids, that's all."
"Well, what happened?"
"I'd rather not say."
"That bad, huh?"
"Nothing a good beer or three won't cure."
"Oh yeah. That bad."
Jerry didn't usually drink heavily. That was Mike's department. But he was known to drink when he felt down and out. This was definitely one of those times.
"Are you gonna explain to Phyllis what you did to Fluffy, or not?" Mike asked. "I can't stand it when you get so down all you want to do is drink!"
"Then better split, Mike, because I plan to get totally plastered," Jerry said.
"Come on," Phyllis said. "Tell me about the experiment before you get completely plastered!"
"Oh, all right," Jerry said, gulping down a shot of some beer or another. "See, it all has to do with genetics. You know Fluffy was big enough to be a cocker spaniel?"
Jerry went into an elaborate explanation about the entire thing. Mike had heard it a zillion times. Phyllis was more confused about the entire procedure. Needless to say, both of them lost interest in the explanation, and Jerry knew it.
"Why does that always happen?" he asked.
"You're confusin'," Mike said, picking up his drink. "Besides, I've heard this a zillion times."
"That's true," Phyllis said. "Maybe if you broke it down detail by detail . . . ."
"I can't," Jerry said. "You'd have to see it for me to make it any more simpler than I explain it."
"Well, what else can we tell you, man?" Mike asked.
"Just forget it," Jerry said. "I don't even know why I bother."
Mike shrugged and took a sip of his drink. Jerry sort of fiddled around with his for awhile. Phyllis didn't say much. The three of them got quiet, at least until the football coach strolled inside.
"Well, well, well, look who's here," he said. "Professor Jerry 'Geek Bait' Blavat."
"Lay off him, coach," Mike warned. "You've already made his life miserable."
"So, how's that formula of yours coming?" the coach asked. "Does it actually alter somebody's genes?"
"I haven't tried it on a human yet," Jerry said. "I think the results would be too extreme."
"Too bad. You could use yourself, you know. Goodness knows you need all the improvement you can get! Is it any wonder this boy's still single? Look at you, Professor B. I mean, what girl would want to go for a guy like you? Your hair almost always looks greasy, you're taste in clothes is terrible, then there's those glasses . . . . . you're a nerd! You can't even stand up for yourself! Trust me, kid. No chick likes a guy with a brain. They prefer a guy with muscle."
"I heard girls like guys with personality," Jerry said. "They go for personality first, which is their top priority, and then they look for looks."
The coach looked at Jerry, and pushed him off the bar stool. He crash landed to the floor, flat on his back. Mike and Phyllis looked at him a bit shocked. The coach sat down in his place and laughed.
"What a loser!" he shouted, and then cracked up.
Jerry stood up, and left the bar as fast as he could. Phyllis ran after him. Mike just glared at the coach and rolled his eyes.
"Why do you want to make his life more miserable than it already is?" he asked.
"Jocks are supposed to pick on nerds," the coach said. "That's the circle of life."
Mike just groaned, and moved to a table. Meanwhile, Phyllis was trying to catch up with Jerry down the street.
"Jerry, wait up a minute!" she called. Jerry stopped and turned around.
"What?" he asked.
"Look, the coach is just a big blow hard. You know how football players are. All muscle and no brains. You shouldn't let him get you down!"
"Phyllis, don't you see? He's right! I'm just a nerd! Look at me! I teach science at a community college! I spend time in a lab testing out formulas, and seeing if they work! I'm clumsy, I trip over my own feet, I can't fight, and these glasses!"
Jerry took off his glasses and shook them in front of Phyllis.
"Thick, black, they have nerd written all over them!" he shouted. "What girl would go for that?! I might as well face the facts that I'll never be who I want to be."
"Who do you want to be?" Phyllis asked.
"I've always dreamed I'd be a Frank Sinatra-esque type of guy. Attractive, suave, sophisticated, full of wit and charm . . . . . someone who has confidence, and isn't afraid to fight. A lady killer, if you will. But who am I kidding? I'll never be a lady killer. Girls make me nervous. I'm basically none of the above."
"Well, maybe not none of the above. Jerry, you're an attractive guy. If you just have some more self-confidence. That's all you need."
Jerry wasn't sure if he believed Phyllis or not. At any rate, she went back to the bar. Jerry just stood there, looking into the book store window, staring at a picture on the cover of a book about the Rat Pack. He thought they were loaded with style and confidence. That was the sort of thing he longed for. As he was staring at the book cover, it began to rain. That was when Jerry got an idea.
"It's high time my formula was tested on a human subject," he said. "And that subject's gonna be me!"
Jerry ran back to the campus as fast as he could. Once he was there, he threw open the door to the lab, and started to mix his formula, typing things into the computer. By then it began to thunder, and lightning was flashing across the sky. He took the flask the formula was sitting in and looked at Fluffy.
"Well, down the hatch," he said. "This time, I'll know what it's like being the guinea pig."
Jerry raised the flask to his lips and drank the formula. Nothing happened at first, so he figured the experiment was a failure, but then something happened. He felt something bubbling in his stomach. He groaned, and dropped the flask on the ground. It smashed to pieces. Then Jerry grabbed his stomach, and sunk to his knees, moaning and groaning. His face was twisted in pain, and he was breathing heavily. Something was happening to him, but he wasn't sure what. He rolled around on the ground for a little while. All the lab animals were going completely crazy. Thunder and lightning crashed outside. Jerry held his hand to his head, and knocked his glasses off. They fell to the floor, and slid across the room. Finally, Jerry collapsed on the floor, and staid there for the rest of the night.
The next morning, Jerry woke up, feeling a bit different. He groaned, and raised his hand to his forehead. Then he stood up and looked around. He spotted his glasses laying across the room, and walked over to pick them up.
"Man, what a night," he said. Then he realized his voice was a little different. Usually, his voice was weak, with absolutely no force to it at all. Now it seemed a little deeper, and a lot stronger than normal. Not to mention he could see things clearly. He ran over to the desk in the lab and pulled out a mirror. He was a little surprised at what he saw.
"It worked," he said. "It worked! My experiment worked!"
Indeed it had. Jerry no longer looked like a nerd. Instead of a gawky science professor, there stood a young man with smooth dark brown hair, twenty/twenty vision, a strong voice, and the notion that he could do anything. Jerry looked at himself in the mirror and smiled.
"What girl wouldn't go for this?" he asked himself. "Wow, I look great! I don't know why I didn't think of this before!"
Suddenly the door to the lab opened. Jerry stood there for a moment. Mike walked inside.
"Jerry, are you in here?" he asked. "I tried callin' you last night but all I got was your machine and I wanted to know if . . . . . . oh, hi."
"Hi," Jerry said.
"Uhh, you haven't seen Professor Jerry Blavat around here have you?"
"Yeah, he just left. He came here last night to test a new formula."
"He didn't mention anythin' about it to me."
"Well, this was supposed to be secret."
Mike just nodded, and prepared to leave, but then stopped and turned around.
"Now tell me, who are you?" he asked. "I know nearly everybody on campus and I've never seen you before."
"Me?" Jerry asked. "I'm, uhhh, I'm . . . . . ."
Jerry looked around the room. He had to think of something and fast. He caught sight of a nature magazine laying on the table. Jerry had read an article in there about alligators, and he heard most Floridians pronounced "gator" as "geator." He felt he had something there.
"Jer Geat," he said in a rush.
"Jer Geat?" Mike repeated, looking at Jerry as if he were nuts.
"Yeah, Jer Geat. I'm . . . . . . one of Professor Blavat's interns."
"What's wrong, don't you believe me?"
"Oh, I believe you. I just think it's kinda weird that Jerry never mentioned this to me. And considerin' you two have similar first names . . . . . that ain't short for somethin' is it?"
"Nope. Jer's not short for anything. It's my real name."
"Uh huh. Well, I would think that Jerry would tell me if he had an intern or not, considerin' he tells me everythin'."
"Well, I just started today, you see, and you know Professor Blavat, I'm sure. Always forgetting things."
"Yeah, that's true. Well, I'll see you around. And if you see Professor Blavat, let him know that Professor Nesmith is lookin' for him, okay?"
"And Professor Nesmith would be you?"
"You got it."
"If I see him, I'll tell him."
Mike nodded and left the lab. Once he was out of earshot, Jerry cracked up. Mike hadn't recognized him. If Mike hadn't, then there was a good chance that nobody else would, either. Then he realized he had a class in two minutes. And there was no way of changing back, either. So he decided to cancel the class for the day and figure out his transformation back later. He went up the stairs and into the classroom. All the other students just stared at him, and began talking to each other. Jerry sat down on the desk, propped one foot up, and leaned his arm on his knee.
"I assume you're all here for Professor Blavat's class?" he asked.
"Yeah," Linda said. "Where is he?"
"Sick," Jerry said. "He's a no show today, so he told me to tell you all to fly the coop."
The students gathered up their books, and prepared to leave. Jerry watched them all go.
"That's it. Everybody out," he said, sprawling out on the desk. Linda was about to leave when Jerry grabbed her hand. "Except you."
"Me?" Linda asked. Jerry leaned back down and stared up at the ceiling.
"Yeah. Professor B tells me a lot about you. Linda Stanley, right?"
"Yeah that's right."
"Who are you, anyway?"
"Jer Geat. Professor B's new intern. Normally, I'd conduct the class in his absence, but I'm not gonna. Teaching ain't Jer Geat's style, baby."
"I can see that."
"Wouldn't want to be labeled a nerd, you understand. I like to get straight to the point. Professor B told me all about his formula, and he said Linda Stanley wanted to know about it. So he told me to explain it to you over coffee at the student union right now."
"Professor B's orders, pretty."
Jerry got down off the desk and looked at Linda with an inviting look in his eyes. Linda just nodded.
"Okay, sure," she said. "I want to know more about that formula anyway."
"Excellent," Jerry said. And the two of them walked out towards the student union.
Jerry found it easier to talk to girls as Jer Geat. He was a lot more confident, and managed to use simpler terms to explain how his formula worked, too. Not to mention he was better looking, too. All the girls at the student union were staring at him, giggling when he made eye contact with them. Not a lot of the boys were thrilled. One football player walked over to him.
"Hey buddy," he said. "What's the idea?"
"What?" Jerry asked.
"In case you haven't noticed all the girls are practically swooning over you, and the rest of us don't like it one bit!"
"And the problem is?"
"I'm gonna knock you into next Tuesday!"
The big lug took a swing. Jerry dodged it, and clobbered the guy right in the jaw. The jock fell to the ground and then stared at Jerry. Then he stood up, and ran off.
"Anybody else want to knock me into next Tuesday?!" he challenged. Everybody in the student union went back to what they were doing. Jerry straightened his shirt collar, smoothed out his hair, and sat back down at his table.
"I didn't think you had to hit that guy like that," Linda said.
"Eh, he was buggin' me," Jerry said. "People oughta know you don't mess with Jer Geat. Or you'll be sorry. Remember that, pretty. So the chicks dig me. It's nothing new. I'm a totally likeable kinda guy, you dig?"
Linda rolled her eyes. Jer Geat wasn't much her type, she thought. He was confident all right, but maybe a little too confident. She just picked up her cup of coffee and sipped it. Jerry was giving her this look, smiling somewhat of a half smile, and sipping his own coffee.
"I tell you, you out pretty all these chicks on campus," he said. "And I mean that."
"You do?" Linda asked.
"Oh yeah. Jer Geat never lies to a pretty girl. It's just not my nature."
"What exactly is your nature?"
"I tell it like it is. I call all the shots, and I play by my own rules. It's really as simple as that."
Jerry began to laugh. As he did, something happened. His voice cracked in mid-laugh. His voice grew about a pitch or two higher, and his hands began to shake. He cleared his throat and tried to compose himself.
"Sorry," he said. "Lost myself for a moment."
Jerry's voice cracked again on the word "moment." His hands began shaking again, and he dropped the coffee on the floor. He stood up immediately and ran. He knew he was changing back to his old self, and he didn't want anybody to see it happen. His lab wasn't too far from the student union, so he high tailed it there, dashed inside, and shut the door, from there, he transformed back, and collapsed. Mike walked into the lab as he did.
"There you are," he said. "I've been lookin' for you all over the place! Where were you?!"
"A little sick," Jerry said, standing up. "But I'm okay now."
"Yeah. I'm sure."
Jerry reached into his pocket and pulled out his glasses. He put them on and looked at Mike.
"Did you need something?" he asked.
"Yeah, I wanted to know if you were okay," Mike said. "I mean about what the coach said, and since you ran from the bar like you did last night and didn't come back."
"Oh. Yeah, I'm okay. I'm fine. Nothing to worry about."
"By the way, I met that new intern of yours, Jer Geat."
"Oh yeah? What'd you think of him?"
"Frankly, I don't know what to think. He seems so sure of himself."
"Yeah. Maybe he can help you break out of your shell and get over your shyness around girls."
With that, Mike left. Jerry stood there, thinking it over. That formula didn't last too long. He wasn't so sure if he should mix up more or not. He decided against it, for the time being. He already blew it with Linda when he just ran off without an explanation. The next day, Jerry was hanging out in the lab, feeding bits of carrots to Fluffy. Reggie was pouring some sort of goop into a test tube. Mike was staring at both of them.
"Is this a lab or an oil paintin'?" he asked.
"What, Mike?" Jerry asked. Then it sank it. "Oh. Oh yeah. Ha, ha. Very funny."
"What's up?" Mike asked.
"Nothing I guess. I don't know. It's strange, but the formula hasn't worn off of Fluffy yet."
"You talk as if you tested that formula on somethin' else."
"Yeah, I have."
"Oh, nobody in particular."
"Oh. By the way, where's that intern of yours?"
"He's not here today. I doubt he's coming back. It all depends."
Jerry didn't answer that question. He just adjusted his glasses and turned back to Fluffy. The door opened suddenly, and Linda walked inside.
"Hi," she said to Mike. "Uh, I was looking for Professor Blavat."
"He's right over there," Mike said, pointing.
Linda walked over to Jerry, pulled up a stool and sat down.
"What are you doing?" she asked. Jerry looked up, and nearly fell off the stool he was sitting on.
"Uh, nothing," he said. "Nothing Miss Stanley. Just watching for any changes in the lab rabbit, that's all. Is there anything you need?"
"Yeah, I wanted to see your intern again, Jer Geat?"
"Yeah. Where is he today?"
"Uhh, he's . . . . he's not in right now. But he will be."
"In about fifteen minutes."
"Oh. When he gets here, tell him to meet me at the student union."
Linda walked off. Jerry clicked his tongue against his teeth and started to leave the lab. Mike stopped him before he could go.
"Wait a minute," he said. "I thought you said he wasn't comin' in today."
"Something came up," Jerry said.
"Uh huh. How'd you know he changed his mind?"
"Me and Jer . . . . we've got a lot in common. So much in common, we can read each other's minds."
Jerry was off. Mike just stared at him, thinking that was the fishiest story he had ever heard in his life. Anyway, Jerry didn't want to drink his formula in front of Mike and Reggie anyway. He went into the other room, where he was keeping the formula, and drank it. The same old transformation took place, and he emerged from the room as Jer Geat. As he was walking out of that room, Mike was walking out of the lab, and the two of them crashed.
"It hasn't been fifteen minutes yet," he said.
"I drive fast," Jerry replied, taking a pack of cigarettes out of his pocket. He took one, and stuck it in his mouth. "Something you need, professor?"
"Yeah, where'd Jerry go?"
"He wasn't feeling well, so he split. He'll be back later when he's feeling a little better."
"Not feelin' well? That's what he said yesterday! What's up with him?"
"Oh, he's all right. He just told me he wasn't feeling quite like himself, you understand."
"Now if you'll excuse me, I've got to go charm my way into a pretty girl's heart. If you see the paramedics in half an hour, it's nothing to worry about. They'll just be taking in a girl who's swooned over yours truly."
Jerry walked off. Mike stared at him as if he were crazy.
"That guy is so full of himself," he said.
Anyway, Jerry walked to the student union, smoking his cigarette as he walked. He stepped inside the student union, sat down, and waited for Linda. She arrived about fifteen minutes later. Jerry was still puffing on his cigarette, and stirring around a cup of coffee.
"You're late, pretty," he said.
"I told Professor Blavat to tell you to meet me in fifteen minutes," Linda said. "I'm right on time."
"Whatever you say. Word has it that you wanted to see me. What for?"
"You ran off yesterday without so much as a good bye, and I want to know why you did."
"I wasn't feeling like myself, you know."
"Oh. Well, I was just wondering. I'll see you around."
"That's it? That's all you wanted?"
"Eh-eh. Sit down. You and me aren't done yet."
Linda sat back down. Jerry picked up his coffee and took a sip. Then he gave Linda a Look.
"You and me are going out Saturday night," he said. "Eight o' clock. Meet me at the new club in town."
"You call that asking a girl out on a date?"
"Jer Geat never asks, pretty. You just show up. Okay? I gotta split. Previous engagement. See you Saturday, eight o' clock."
Jerry stood up, dropped his cigarette to the ground, and stepped on it. Then he pulled another one out, lit it, and strutted out of the student union. Linda just stared after him. She probably was going to regret it, but she decided to take him up on his offer. Once Jerry was back to the lab, he changed back to normal. Then he realized he still had a cigarette in his mouth, and began to cough.
"Oohh!" he groaned. "Agh! Oh man!"
Mike burst through the door just then, and looked at Jerry, leaning over, coughing his head off.
"You all right?" he asked.
"Yeah," Jerry said, stifling a cough. "Fine. Just took one drag too many."
"One drag too . . . . . Jerry, you don't smoke."
"Well, I decided to try it. I don't know what these kids see in it, that's all I've got to tell you."
"Jerry, are you all right? You haven't been yourself these past two days."
"You have no idea."
"You're right about that."
Jerry walked off. Mike just stared at him, thinking something was wrong, but he didn't have the slightest clue as to what. At any rate, the entire week went along. Jerry didn't find the need to change into Jer Geat. However by Saturday, it was time to take a shot of the juice again. He did, transformed, and was on his way to the club. Once he got there, he spotted Linda and sat down at her table.
"Glad to see you didn't stand me up," he said. "That might kill my reputation."
"Reputation?" Linda asked.
"For being absolutely irresistible, pretty."
Linda muttered something under her breath. It sounded like "oh please." But Jerry ignored it. Instead, he lit a cigarette and began smoking on it. He offered one to Linda but she declined.
"I don't smoke," she said.
"Oh, you're one of those girls," he said. "Probably don't drink, either."
"Too bad. I like a little action on my dates."
"Well, you're not getting any out of me, fella."
Jerry took a drag on his cigarette, and he and Linda began to talk. Most of the conversation was dominated by Jerry, going on and on about how great he (or should we say Jer Geat) was. Linda could barely get a word in.
"It's getting late," she said finally. "I should be going."
"Whatever you say, pretty," Jerry said. "I'll see you later."
Linda was somewhat relieved Jer Geat hadn't offered to walk her home. Monday rolled around. Jerry realized his date was the worst one he'd ever been on and vowed never again to take the formula. However when he was in the middle of class, something happened. One of his students was playing a radio (the portable kind with headphones). As Jerry was explaining something, a high pitch screech was heard from the headphones. Everybody heard it, but none were bothered by it, except Jerry. He let out a scream, hunched over and covered his ears.
"Professor, are you all right?" one girl asked. Jerry's breathing grew rapid. He felt something coming on, but he couldn't let his students see. He stood up as straight as he could, and made his way for the door.
"Hang on a second," he said. "I'll be right back."
Jerry dashed out the door, leaving his students talking among themselves, wondering what was going on. Jerry ran into the men's room, locked himself in one of the stalls, and gnashed his teeth together. His squeezed his eyes shut and groaned. He grabbed his stomach, fell to the ground, and screamed. Once the attack subsided, he stood up, but as Jer Geat. He took off the glasses, walked out of the stall, and looked in the mirror.
"Bye-bye Blavat," he said, smiling at himself. "You took one sip of that formula too many, my friend. Heh, heh, heh."
Apparently, there was something wrong with Jerry's original formula. Jer Geat had formed inside his subconscious and wanted to get out for awhile. He walked back to the classroom and sat down on the desk. Everybody began talking to themselves again.
"What happened to Professor Blavat?" the guy with the headphones asked.
"He felt sick, so he went home," Jer Geat replied. "He told me he might be back tomorrow, however. Maybe. Class dismissed."
The students gathered their books and began to leave the classroom. Linda came up to Jer Geat and looked at him.
"What are you going to be doing for the rest of the class?" she asked.
"I'm not doing anything, pretty," Jer Geat said. "You and I are gonna head for the student union, as usual."
"Good. You and I could stand to talk."
Linda and Jer Geat went to the student union. Both of them ordered their coffee. Jer Geat lit a cigarette and smoked on it. Linda rolled her eyes.
"You know, there's something about you," she said. "I can't really place it."
"A lot of chicks get that way about me," Jer Geat replied. "And who can blame them? I'm irresistible! I'm cool, confident, suave, sophisticated . . . . ."
"Not to mention rude, self-absorbed, overly confident, cocky, arrogant . . . . ."
"Face it, Jer, you're too confident for your own good! It's a major turn off for girls!"
"Hey! A lot of chicks dig this sort of thing!"
"Yeah, well, I'm not one of them!"
Linda stood up, and dumped her coffee all over Jer Geat. He was about to stand up and go after her, when he got a funny feeling inside his stomach. He was going to change back any minute, so he had to run to his lab before anything else happened. He changed back without any problems (unlike when he changed into Jer Geat in the first place). Once he was back to normal, Jerry spat out the cigarette, and moaned.
"I'm gonna get lung cancer thanks to this guy!" he shouted. He felt dizzy and leaned against the table. His head was pounding. Somehow Jerry knew it was Jer Geat trying to get out.
"What's happening to me?!" he screamed.
"I'd like to know the same thing," Mike said, coming into the room. "What's goin' on, Jerry? I heard you ditched your own class again, and that intern of yours dismissed it."
"Jer Geat isn't my intern," Jerry said. "Mike, I think it's time I told you the truth. Come on."
Mike followed Jerry into the lab, and the two of them sat down. Jerry then explained he swallowed some of his own formula to gain a little confidence, and that was where Jer Geat came from.
"But I think I created a monster," he said. "Jer Geat is everything I pictured myself to be, but he's too confident, cocky, and self-absorbed. Plus I changed into him earlier today, but I didn't have any formula. I think he's trying to break out of my subconscious."
"Let me get this straight," Mike said. "Whenever you drink your own formula, you turn from a science professor to a lady killer? And now you can't control when you change? Hah! I'll believe it when I see it."
A pained expression came across Jerry's face, and he keeled over grabbing his stomach. Mike stood up and backed away, panicked look on his face. Jerry writhed around on the ground, moaning, groaning, and screaming, teeth clenched together, and eyes squeezed shut.
"Jerry, are you all right?!" Mike shouted. The attack subsided, and Jer Geat stood up, and looked at Mike. He was dangling Jerry's glasses in his hand.
"I'm more than all right, Nesmith," he said. "I'm back."
"I believe it," Mike said. "Oh man, do I believe it! Jerry, you've turned into a split personality!"
"Jerry ain't the one who's here now. It's Jer Geat."
Jer Geat threw Jerry's glasses at Mike, and then jumped up on the table. He propped his feet up, leaned back, and stared up at the ceiling.
"Nice little lab he's got here," he said. "Too bad the kid's nothing but a nerd! He could do some serious stuff with that brain of his."
"Oh boy," Mike said. "Listen, Jer. How do I get Jerry back?"
"How do you get Jerry back. Hmmm. What a question! I guess when I feel like going back into hibernation, fella. Until then, Jer Geat is here to stay."
"Not for long he ain't. I want to talk to Jerry, so you'd better split or I'll clobber you."
"All right, all right. Sheesh, no need to get testy, fella. All you had to do was ask!"
Jer Geat closed his eyes, and keeled over himself in some sort of attack of his own, but it didn't seem as bad as when Jerry was changing into Jer Geat. Jerry leaned up, held his hand to his head, and moaned. Mike handed him his glasses.
"Here," he said. "Man, have you got a problem!"
"What am I gonna do?" Jerry asked, putting on his glasses. "I'm changing into Jer Geat at will."
"I tell you, buddy, we've got to get him out of your subconscious for starters!"
"How are we going to do that?"
Mike smiled sneakily and rubbed his hands together.
"I've been dyin' for a good excuse to try this!" he shouted.
Jerry got a worried look on his face. Mike didn't usually do any crazy experiments, which was why Jerry was worried. He didn't know if Mike knew what he was doing or not. At any rate, he was ready to try anything. His pounding headache returned. Jerry had to use all of his self control to keep Jer Geat inside of him. Mike took him into another room, where only the science professors were allowed in and no one else. This room was what Mike referred to as the "Weird Science Lab." Mike usually did things in this room that no one knew about. And he intended to keep it that way.
"Whatever goes on in here is kept quiet," he said. "You understand?"
"Mike, if you told me to take a midnight swim through shark infested waters, I'd do it if it'll get Jer Geat out of my system!" Jerry yelled, holding his hands to his head. "Just get him out!"
"Okay, okay, calm down. I'll get him out. Get up on the table."
Jerry climbed onto the table and looked at Mike. Mike pushed him into a laying position and stuck a suction cup on his forehead.
"I don't think I'll have to strap you down," he said. "You're cooperatin' with me."
"Very funny," Jerry said. "Just speed it up a little. I feel like I'm gonna change any minute."
Mike attached a tube to the suction cup, and typed up some things on his computer. He got a diagram of Jerry and another of Jer Geat on the same screen. Then he typed in the word "remove."
"Once I hit the Enter key," he said. "We should see some results."
"Are you sure this will get Jer Geat out of my subconscious?" Jerry asked.
"Babe, I'm tellin' ya, I've seen it done billions of times! I know what I'm doin'!"
"It won't hurt, will it?"
"Jerry, relax! I won't feel a thing!"
"Wait a minute!"
Jerry was about to object to the whole procedure, when Mike pushed the Enter key on the keyboard. A jolt of electricity traveled through the tube, into the suction cup, and sent a shock through Jerry. He grinded his teeth, groaned, and writhed around on the table. He gripped the sides of it so hard, his knuckles were white. Mike thought he would embed his finger prints into the table! Two minutes later, it was over. An alert box popped up on the computer saying "removal completed." Mike detached the suction cup from Jerry's forehead.
"Now that's electroshock therapy!" he shouted.
"At least my hair isn't standing on end," Jerry said, running a hand through his hair. "But what happened to Jer Geat?"
Suddenly, the computer exploded. Mike and Jerry coughed and waved the smoke out of their faces.
"Did the separation occur?" Mike asked. He and Jerry looked, and there was a shadow in the room with them. The smoke cleared to reveal Jer Geat standing there, one hand on his hip, looking smug.
"Did it ever," he said.
"Uh oh," Jerry replied, looking nervous.
"Oops," Mike said.
"Ha, ha!" Jer Geat laughed. "This is great! I'm no longer stuck to that geek! Now I can have some real fun. Heh, heh, heh. Later, losers!"
Jer Geat ran out of the "Weird Science Lab" to get some kicks in, laughing his head off. Well, Mike definitely removed him from Jerry's subconscious. The problem is he turned him into a real person!
"Oh, this can't be good," Mike said.
"What was your first clue?" Jerry asked. "You removed him from my subconscious all right! How could you do something like that?!"
"Relax, relax! We'll figure this out. Eventually."
Jerry let out a mix between a groan and a scream. He couldn't believe this was happening. He took off his glasses and pinched the bridge of his nose. He could feel a major headache coming on. Then he put his glasses back on and started out of the lab.
"Where are you goin'?" Mike asked.
"To find Jer Geat, where else?" Jerry said.
"But we don't know where he is!"
"But I do. This guy came outta me, right? I've been Jer Geat two or three times. He's probably picking up chicks at the bar!"
"Well, we're gonna need help catchin' him, you know."
"Right. Better call Phyllis."
Mike nodded, and went to the nearest phone. He called Phyllis, and she said she'd meet them at the bar.
"You'll know him when you see him," Mike explained. "He'll be the guy holdin' a cigarette, with all the girls swoonin' over him. He thinks he's God's gift to women."
"You science people never cease to amaze me," Phyllis said. "I'll meet you there."
Mike hung up the phone. Jerry was staring at a page in his book. He smiled after awhile.
"What's up, doc?" Mike asked.
"Something about my formula," Jerry explained. "There's a slight problem with it if something like this happens. If a subject's alter ego splits from the subject, they can't last very long without another dose of the formula."
"Well, that's good."
"But if Jer Geat found that, he might try to steal my formula."
"Don't worry about it. How's he gonna find out?"
"Good point. We've got to tell this to Phyllis when we see her. And once we find Jer Geat, we have to keep an eye on him."
Mike and Jerry left the lab as fast as they could. They had to get to the bar before Jer Geat could cause trouble. They got there just as Phyllis did, and immediately, they spotted him, trying to impress Linda.
"There he is," Jerry said.
"Sheesh, listen to him," Phyllis said. She, Mike, and Jerry got to the table behind Jer Geat and Linda to hear their conversation.
"Listen, babe," he said. "I'm the perfect choice for a girl like you."
"Oh brother," Linda groaned.
"Seriously. I'm the tops. What girl wouldn't want a suave, sophisticated fella like me?"
"This guy has more hot air then the Goodyear Blimp!" Phyllis said.
"Don't I know it," Jerry said. "Hard to believe this guy came outta me, huh?"
"Really," Mike said. "But if we let Jer Geat make an idiot of himself, we'll have nothing to worry about."
"What do you mean?" Phyllis asked.
"We came to the conclusion that Jer Geat won't last too long without another shot of my formula," Jerry said. "He'll just disappear without a trace."
Jer Geat happened to hear that. He bit down on his cigarette as hard as he could. He had to get back to the lab before that happened. He stood up and walked out. Before he went, he turned to Linda.
"Gotta go, doll face," he said. "I'll see you at the student union tomorrow."
"Don't bet on it, buster," Linda muttered.
Jer Geat left. Mike, Phyllis, and Jerry stood up in order to tail him. However, he got mixed up with the crowd, and the three of them lost him fairly quickly.
"He's gone," Mike said.
"Great," Jerry groaned. "Now what do we do?"
"Absolutely nothing," Phyllis said. "He's going to vanish into thin air in a matter of hours or so. Why should we keep an eye on him?
"She's got a point," Mike said with a shrug.
"Yeah, I know, but he may actually get not only himself, but me into trouble," Jerry said.
"He's got a point, too," Mike said.
"Okay," Phyllis said. "We'll go look for him."
Mike, Jerry, and Phyllis left the bar in search of Jer Geat. In the meantime, Jer Geat made it to the college lab. He jimmied the lock with a paper clip, opened the door, and looked around for the formula.
"That slop's gotta be around here somewhere," he said. "All I've got to do is find it."
Jer Geat looked around the lab, and finally found what he was looking for: Jerry's formula. He grabbed the flask, and was about to drink the formula, when something inside the book laying next to the test tube rack caught his eye. He put the flask down and looked at the writing in the book.
"Hmm," he said. "Fascinating. According to Professor B's book here, if I get a sample of his DNA and mix it with the formula, and get a sample of my DNA and mix it with the formula, and he drinks the formula with my DNA, and I drink the formula with his, I'm in the home stretch, and he goes bye-bye. How interesting. This means I'll have to do some hunting."
Jer Geat put down the flask and left the lab in order to find Jerry. A scheme was hatching in his brain. All he had to do was track down Jerry. At any rate, Mike, Phyllis, and Jerry decided to split up to look for him. Jerry decided to go to his house in order to get his car so he could cover a lot more places faster. The minute he got there, he realized his front door was unlocked.
"Great, just what I need," he groaned. "A break in on what could be the worst night of my life."
"I wouldn't worry, professor," an all too familiar voice said. Jerry turned around and found he was face to face with Jer Geat. He was throwing something up into the air and catching it in his hand. He shut the door and turned towards Jerry.
"I'm the only one here," he said.
"What are you doing here?" Jerry asked. Jer Geat gave him a sneaky look, took his glasses off, and dangled them in his hand.
"I heard what you said," he replied. "I'm not gonna last too long, so I broke into your little ol' lab, and tried to get the formula. Then I found something very fascinating in your little ol' book."
"I may regret asking this, but what was it?"
Jer Geat smiled sneakily, dropped Jerry's glasses to the ground, and stepped on them, crunching them to pieces. And wouldn't you know Jerry didn't have a spare with him. Jer Geat then took a mask painters usually wear and placed it over his nose and mouth. Then he revealed what he was holding in his hand: a small capsule. He flipped it into the air. Jerry watched it fly into the air, and then fall to the floor. Once it hit the floor, smoke flew out of it. Jerry coughed and tried to wave it out of his face. Then he realized what that smoke was. Knockout gas. Jerry fell to the floor coughed. He looked up at Jer Geat, who was laughing hysterically. Within seconds, Jerry lost consciousness.
Jerry regained his senses a few moments after. He was tied up, sitting on the floor of the lab, propped up against the side of the table. He looked up, and saw Jer Geat mixing something together.
"About time you woke up," he said.
"What hit me?" Jerry asked.
"I did. Or at least that capsule did. Do me a favor. Look up."
Jerry looked up. Jer Geat walked over to him, and squeezed some kind of liquid into his eyes.
"What was that?" Jerry asked.
"Eye drops," Jer Geat said. "I found 'em at your place while waiting for you. I figure they help clear your vision without those glasses of yours."
"Yeah. So, are you gonna tell me what's going on, or what?"
"I'd be only too happy to tell you. See, after I broke in the lab, I took a look at this little passage from your little book, and found out if I mix a sample of your DNA with the formula, and drink it, I'm here to stay. And it also said that if I mix my DNA with the formula, and you drink it, you go bye-bye!"
"You can't be serious!"
"It's here in black and white, fella. Read it and weep!"
Jer Geat held the book in Jerry's face. Jerry had to squint to read it. Those eye drops of his may have cleared his vision, but he still couldn't read without his glasses. Once he was through, he looked up at his alter ego, and smiled sneakily.
"That may be true, Jer, but where are you gonna get a sample of my DNA?" he asked.
"Easier done than said," Jer Geat replied, and he yanked a strand of hair out of Jerry's head.
"Ouch!" Jerry shouted. "Watch it, will ya?"
Jer Geat didn't say anything. He just poured the formula into two flasks, and placed the strand of hair in one. Then he corked it, shook it, and set it on the table. He pushed it to one side. Then he yanked a strand of his own hair out, and placed it in the other flask. He corked that one, shook it, and placed it on the table. Then he uncorked the first flask, and drank the contents. Then he picked up the other flask, and kneeled down next to Jerry.
"Your turn," he said.
"Oh, no, you're not gonna get me to drink that!" Jerry shouted.
"Yes, I will. It's much easier done that said, you know."
Jer Geat grabbed Jerry's chin in his hand and tilted his head upward. Jerry squirmed a bit, but Jer Geat wasn't going to give up easily. He uncorked the flask with his teeth, and raised it to Jerry's lips. He managed to get the formula down his throat. The minute Jerry swallowed it, he felt sick.
"Now that it's all over, I can have some fun," Jer Geat said, smoothing out his hair.
"You think you're so great," Jerry said.
"I am so great. The chicks dig me."
"I find that hard to believe, considering you're such a jerk!"
"I'm no jerk. I'm irresistible. They come near me and faint in my presence. They're helpless victims of my charm."
"Assuming charm is the name of your cheap cologne. Anybody would faint after getting a whiff of that stuff!"
Jer Geat just looked at Jerry. Then he sighed and pulled a handkerchief out of his jacket pocket.
"Let me tell you, professor," he said. "You've got a lot to learn about the opposite sex."
"I teach science. What else do I need to know?"
"You may know science, but you know nothing about charm and wit. And since I can't have you just laying around here . . . . ."
Jer Geat tied the handkerchief around Jerry's mouth, and then took out his spray cologne. He took the cap off and spritzed some of it in Jerry's face. Jerry stifled a cough, and then lost consciousness again. Jer Geat lifted him off the floor, and opened the closet door. He threw Jerry inside, slammed the door shut, and locked it. Then he stuffed the key in his pocket.
"I'd like to see you get out of that one, Jerry," he said, laughing. "By the time anybody gets around to helping you, it'll be too late!"
Jer Geat left the lab, laughing evilly. It appeared to be no stopping him. He went down to the local dance club, just to have a little fun. By that time, Mike and Phyllis had spotted him, and decided to follow him. They walked inside, and kept their gazes fixed on Jer Geat, dancing with various girls.
"That low life," Mike said.
"Tell me about it," a voice said. "That guy is his own biggest fan. By the way, Professor Nesmith, what are you doing down here?"
Mike and Phyllis turned around and saw Linda standing right behind them, wanting an explanation about the entire deal.
"Hi," Mike said. "Uhhh . . . . well . . . ."
"Jer Geat isn't what he seems," Phyllis said. "He's . . . . well . . . ."
"Jerry Blavat's evil twin," Mike clarified.
"You're kidding!" Linda shouted.
"No, I'm not. He took a drink out of this formula of his, and transformed into Jer Geat, but somethin' went wrong, and he managed to change into him at will, so he and I decided to get this fella out of his subconscious. I don't know what happened, but we ended up splittin' them in two. So now Jer Geat's a personality all his own."
"But what happened to Professor Blavat?"
"Good question. I don't know where he is. Last I saw him, he was headin' back to his place to get his car to search around faster, and then he never came around."
"I think I know a person who might know the answer to that," Phyllis said.
"Yeah," Mike replied. "Come on. Let's go pound some sense into this guy."
The girls nodded and walked over to the dance floor. Linda gave him a good smack in the shoulder.
"Hi, can I cut in?" she asked.
"Hey," Jer Geat said. "A little early for our usual date at the student union, aren't you?"
"Can the cute stuff," Mike said. "We want to talk to you."
"Yeah?" Jer Geat asked. He took a cigarette out of his pocket, and stuck it in his mouth. He pulled a lighter out of the other pocket. "Well, I don't know nothing, see?"
"You didn't happen to hear what we said back at the bar, did you?"
"Maybe I did. What's it to you?"
"I knew it. I knew you got into that formula."
"More than that, fella. I modified it a little. Now that nutty professor is gonna go bye-bye instead of me."
Jer Geat smiled smugly and lit his cigarette. Mike grabbed him by the shirt collar and practically shook him.
"Tell me exactly what you did in that lab!" he demanded.
"Nothing much really," Jer Geat replied, cooly. "I just found out that I could rearrange the formula a bit. I took a sample of Jerry's DNA, mixed it in, and drank it. Then I mixed a sample of my DNA, mixed it in the formula, and Jerry drank that."
"Where's Jerry now?"
Jer Geat smacked Mike's hand. Mike let go of him. Jer Geat took a drag from his cigarette and started to walk off.
"I've said too much already," he replied.
"We're not done with you yet, Geat!" Mike shouted.
With that, Jer Geat left the club. Nobody knew where he was going, but that didn't matter to them. They'd figure it all out later. They had something more important to figure out.
"We've got to find Jerry," Mike said. "He's the only one who knows how that formula works."
Phyllis and Linda nodded, and they followed Mike out of the club. They decided to search the lab first. They found the place nearly spotless, with the exception of the occasional test tube laying around.
"I doubt he's even here," Phyllis said, looking around.
"Well, he's gotta be around here some place," Mike said, looking around the lab.
As the three were searching the lab, they heard knocking coming from the closet door. Linda looked up and ran to the door. She pressed her ear to it, and knocked on it twice. Two knocks were heard inside the closet. Then she knocked three times. Three knocks responded. She was about to knock again, when Mike walked over.
"What are you doin'?" he asked.
"Knocking," Linda replied. "I think there's something in there."
Mike took the door handle, and tried to turn it.
"Locked?" Phyllis asked.
"Yeah," Mike said. "Stand back. I'm gonna break it down!"
Mike walked over to the end of the room, and then started running. He rammed the closet door shoulder first. That only resulted in a very dazed professor. He slid down to the floor.
"Anybody get the license number of that milk truck?" he asked. "Ooohh, look at all the pretty stars!"
"Got any other bright ideas?" Phyllis asked.
"Isn't there a key or something?" Linda asked.
"Yeah, Jerry's got one, and I've got one," Mike said. "I don't know why I didn't think about it before."
Phyllis and Linda glanced at each other, but didn't say anything. Mike took his key out from the desk drawer in the lab, and unlocked the closet door. Then he opened it and gasped. The girls looked, and they too gasped. There was Jerry, tied up, gagged, and in somewhat of a state of pain. Mike took the gag out of his mouth.
"Are you all right, Jerry? What happened?" he asked. "And where are your glasses?"
"Jer Geat got to me before I could," Jerry replied, as Mike and the girls untied him. "He broke into my house, smashed my glasses, knocked me out, and brought me here. He found out that he wouldn't last without that formula."
"I know, he told us," Phyllis said. "He also told us about taking a sample of both of your DNA and mixing them with the formula."
"Yeah, he forced the stuff down my throat," Jerry replied, standing up. He had to lean against the door frame for support. "What's worse is that since I got his DNA in my system, I'm about to . . . . . how should I put this?"
"Go bye-bye?" Linda asked.
"That's an interesting way of saying it," Jerry said. "By midnight, I'm history."
"That's only two hours from now," Mike said, checking his watch. "That doesn't give us too much time."
"What do we do?" Phyllis asked.
"I need to mix up some more of my original formula," Jerry said. "We just have to get him to drink it straight, no DNA samples in it. However, I'm gonna need a sample of his DNA in the formula."
"Where are we gonna get his DNA from?" Linda asked.
"Yank a piece of hair out," Jerry replied, mixing liquids together.
"That shouldn't be too hard," Mike said.
"That'll be the easy part," Jerry said. "The hard part is getting him to drink the formula."
"Slip it in his drink," Linda suggested.
"That won't do it," Jerry replied. "He has to drink it straight. Nothing mixed in. I hate to think what would happen if we mixed this stuff with alcohol!"
"We could tell him it's a new brand of vodka," Mike said, shrugging.
Phyllis, Linda, and Jerry looked at him as if he were crazy. Jerry just shook his head and continued mixing up the formula.
"How can you do that without your glasses?" Phyllis asked.
"Jer Geat grabbed my eye drops," Jerry said. "He squirted them in, and my vision's pretty much cleared up, but not much."
By that time, Jerry was finished with his formula. He poured it into two test tubes, corked them, and handed one to Mike.
"Get a strand of his hair, and mix it in," he said. "I'll keep the other one."
"Got it," Mike said. "There's just one problem."
"What?" Jerry asked.
"How are we gonna find him? I know he'd be at either a bar, or a club, but there's at least twenty in this city!"
"Let's think about this logically," Phyllis said. "Jer Geat thinks he's God's gift to women, right?"
"Yeah?" Mike asked.
"So where do most of the girls in town go to on Friday nights?"
"The Discotheque!" Jerry shouted, snapping his fingers. "The place where they play nothing but songs from the late seventies and early eighties!"
"That's got to be it," Mike said. "Most of the pretty girls in town hang out there. Let's go!"
Mike, Jerry, Phyllis, and Linda took off. They had to get to that club before midnight. They reached the club in under ten minutes and walked inside. There was Jer Geat, out on the floor dancing with a flock of women to some upbeat song. Jerry ran for the dance floor, slid to the floor to get through the crowd faster, and grabbed Jer Geat around the ankles.
"Aaahhhh!" he screamed as he fell to the ground. A lot of girls screamed and moved out of the way.
"Where'd he learn that?" Mike asked. Phyllis shrugged.
Jer Geat tried to get up, but Jerry had a good grip on his ankles. Jer Geat turned his head to see what was holding him down.
"Oh, it's you," he said. "How'd you get out?"
"That's for me to know and you to find out," Jerry said. "Mike! Get over here! I don't know how long I can hold him!"
"I'll show you, you little nerd!"
Jer Geat reached into his pocket and pulled out his cologne. He took the cap off and spritzed some in Jerry's face. Jerry coughed and passed out, loosening his grip. Jer Geat stood up, capped his cologne and made his way for the door. Phyllis and Linda blocked him off, while Mike ran to the dance floor to help Jerry.
"You're not going anywhere," Linda said.
"Stand back, chickies," Jer Geat said, holding up his cologne. "I've got some strong cologne here, and I'm not afraid to use it!"
"Hiya!" Phyllis shouted, giving Jer Geat a karate chop in the wrist. His cologne flew into the air. Then the girls tackled him to the ground. The cologne landed on the floor, and rolled out to the dance floor.
"My cologne!" he shouted.
"Too late for that," Phyllis said. "Mike, bring the stuff over!"
"Got it," Mike said. He picked up Jer Geat's cologne and stuffed it in his pocket. Jerry leaned up, shook his head out, stood up, and followed Mike.
"You rats," Jer Geat said through gritted teeth. "You dirty, rotten, rats!"
"All's fair in love and war, Jer," Jerry said. He leaned down and plucked a strand of hair off of Jer Geat's head.
"Ow!" he shouted. "Hey, what'd you do that for?!"
Jerry didn't answer. He uncorked the test tube, and dropped the hair in. Then he corked it again, and shook it to mix it up. Jer Geat got the drift right away.
"Oh no," he said. "You can't reverse the process! You can't!"
"We can, and we will," Mike said, taking out the other test tube. "Bottom's up, Jer Geat!"
"You'll have to catch me first!"
Jer Geat grabbed Jerry's ankles, and thrust him backwards, causing him to fall into Phyllis and Linda, and to drop his test tube. They caught him before he crashed to the ground, but that meant getting up off of Jer Geat. He grabbed the test tube, stood up, and laughed.
"Catch me if you can, losers!" he shouted, and then he took off.
"Don't let him get away!" Mike yelled.
Jerry, Mike, Linda, and Phyllis managed to get themselves together and began to run off after Jer Geat. They didn't know where on earth he was going to go from here, but it didn't matter.
"We've got to give him the formula by midnight," Jerry reminded the group.
"Yeah, but we've got to find him first," Mike said. "Maybe we oughta split up."
"Yeah, we'll cover more ground that way," Linda said.
That seemed like a good solution. Mike went north, Jerry went south, Phyllis went east, and Linda went west. Jer Geat couldn't have gotten far. About half an hour later, Mike caught sight of Jer Geat, and took off after him.
"Wait a minute, you!" he shouted.
"If it ain't Professor Nesmith," Jer Geat said. "Come to force formula down my throat, eh?"
"You got it, fella."
Jer Geat leapt into the air and gave Mike a good kick in the stomach, and then he ran off. Mike regained himself, and then followed. He ran across Phyllis, and indicated her to follow him.
"Come on! He's gettin' away!" he shouted.
"I'm right behind you!" Phyllis called, and she started running.
In the meantime, Jer Geat ran passed Linda's territory, so she started running in another direction, in order to head him off at the pass. Jerry caught site of Jer Geat, as well, and went in another direction, to head him off as well. Phyllis split from Mike, so the four could box Jer Geat in. At any rate, Jer Geat stopped in the middle of an intersection. He looked around, and saw Mike, Phyllis, Jerry, and Linda charging at him. He was surrounded. However, he jumped into the air at the last minute, and Mike, Phyllis, Jerry, and Linda crashed into each other and fell to the ground. Jer Geat started laughing his head off.
"Ooohhh, something tells me that didn't go according to plan," Jerry moaned.
"I wish I had a camera!" Jer Geat shouted. "That was just too priceless!"
"Get him!" Linda shouted.
Jer Geat ran off again, this time, with all four hot on his heels. He was heading for a bridge. The others saw this as their chance.
"You girls go around the other side," Mike said. "Head him off. Jerry and I will tail him. They'll be nowhere to go but down."
"Got it," Phyllis said, and she and Linda ran in the other direction.
Jer Geat stopped in the middle of the bridge, and leaned against the side, smiling sneakily. He was ready for anything. He looked behind him and saw Mike and Jerry standing there. Then he looked the other way and saw Phyllis and Linda blocking him off. He laughed and turned to the boys.
"You're resourceful," he said. "I have to hand it to you guys. So tell me, are you all ready for anything?"
"Anythin' you can throw at us, Geat," Mike said. Jer Geat walked up to Mike and Jerry.
"Yeah?" he asked. "How about . . . . . this?!"
Jer Geat punched Mike in the jaw so fast, you could barely see it. Mike fell to the ground. Jer Geat grabbed Jerry's arm, and then put him in a headlock. He took the test tube out of his jacket pocket and held it up.
"Okay, nobody move!" he shouted. "Or I'll toss both the formula and your nutty professor off this bridge!"
The girls staid right where they were. Mike stood up, but didn't move. Jer Geat smiled.
"Good," he said. "I like to see people follow directions. Now, Nesmith, hand over that other test tube."
"No way!" Mike shouted.
"Give it to me, or your pal here will be sleeping with the fishes!"
Mike sighed, and took out the test tube. Jer Geat took it, and stashed it in his pocket. Then he let go of Jerry. He fell to the ground, feeling dizzy all of a sudden. The formula was starting to take effect. Jer Geat smiled.
"Heh, heh, heh," he laughed. "Not feeling too good, huh, Jerry?"
"You creep," Jerry groaned, really wishing he could take a swing at his alter ego. Jer Geat just laughed.
"We won't be needing this anymore," he said, tossing one of the test tubes off the bridge.
"Oh no!" Phyllis shouted. "The formula!"
"Without that, there's no stopping me, chickie," Jer Geat laughed, pulling the cork off the other test tube. "And once I drink this formula with my DNA, your nutty professor will be gone in . . . . . ten minutes!"
Jer Geat laughed evilly, and raised the test tube to his lips. Mike, Linda, and Phyllis tried to stop him, but it was too late. He already drank it. Jerry looked up at him, then passed out. Linda ran to him, and lifted his torso into her arms. Jer Geat just continued to laugh. Suddenly, he stopped. He felt strange. He looked down at his feet, and noticed that he was slowly melting into a puddle of goo.
"Whoa!" he shouted. "What's happening?! I'm . . . . . melting!"
"We switched test tubes," Mike said. "We had a feelin' you'd try somethin' like that."
"No matter. I still threw my DNA overboard, so there's no way you can get it into the nutty professor's system!"
"Oh yeah? Well, here's somethin' you didn't know, Geat. Once you go from a solid to a liquid, we could just put you in a glass, and Jerry can just suck you up through a straw!"
Jer Geat began groaning all of a sudden, out of frustration. He couldn't believe this was happening.
"I'll get you for this!" he shouted. "You'll pay dearly for this!"
Mike just folded his arms across his chest. Jer Geat let out a blood curdling scream as he melted into a gelatinous pile of goo. Mike had a spare test tube and was about to get a sample of the goo inside of it, when it suddenly shot forward.
"What in the world?" he asked.
"Ha, ha, ha!" Jer Geat laughed. "You overlooked this, Nesmith! You have to catch me first!"
Jer Geat slithered off. Mike and Phyllis followed it. The goo practically flew underneath the bridge, and into the water. Mike and Phyllis stopped suddenly, as they watched the goo disappear into the water, never to be seen again. Mike looked at his watch and sighed.
"One minute to midnight," he said. "We'll never be able to sift Jer Geat out in time."
Phyllis sighed, and she and Mike went back up to the bridge. Linda was holding Jerry's body in her arms.
"Any luck?" she asked.
"None," Mike said. "That Geat goop jumped into the water and completely disappeared from view. By the time we sift him out, it'll be too late."
Linda sighed, and looked down at Jerry. She didn't know what was going to happen to him. She figured he'd either vanish into thin air, or fade out, or even melt into a pile of goo like Jer Geat had, but she thought more than likely fade out. Jerry looked extremely pale.
"Oh, Jerry," she whispered, and held him close to her.
The three heard the clock tower in town begin to chime midnight. They were too late. Phyllis leaned on the side of the bridge, and watched the water. It seemed to be glowing. Then she turned got an idea.
"Mike," she said. "Is it possible for that goo to actually mix in with the water down there?"
"I suppose," Mike said, thinking about. "Yeah, actually. Why?"
"Well, I thought maybe we could get a sample of that water, and give it to Jerry before the clock finished striking."
"Let's do it."
Mike grabbed the test tube, and ran underneath the bridge. He filled it with the water, and then ran back up. He only had about six chimes to go. He raised the test tube to Jerry's lips, and poured the water into his mouth.
"I just hope we aren't too late," he said.
Phyllis crossed her fingers, as the clock finished chiming twelve. The minute it stopped, the color returned to Jerry's face, and his eyes fluttered open. He looked around for a moment, vision extemely fuzzy. He had to squint to make out the figures standing over him.
"Jerry?" Linda asked.
"What happened?" Jerry asked, leaning up. "Did we get rid of Jer Geat, or what?"
"Yeah, we got rid of him," Mike said. "Melted into a gelatinous pile of goo. What about you? Are you okay?"
"Yeah," Jerry said, looking at Linda. "Fine. Great."
Linda smiled at him, and he smiled back. Mike and Phyllis looked at each other, and decided to leave the two of them alone for awhile. Monday morning rolled around. Mike was working in the lab, telling Reggie about the entire ordeal over the weekend.
"That god we got rid of that jerk," he said.
"I can only guess what Jerry went through," Reggie said. "Speaking of our own little nutty professor, where is he?"
"His class oughta be lettin' out right about now."
The door of the lab opened. Mike and Reggie looked up, and saw Jerry walk inside, and brother, did he look different! He was no longer wearing his thick, black glasses, and his hair didn't look so greasy. In fact, it was combed neatly, and smoothed out. He was also wearing a black blazer over a bright red shirt.
"J-Jerry?" Mike asked, a little speechless.
"Yeah," Jerry said, smiling. "It's me all right."
"Well, you said Jer Geat might help me break out of my shell, right?"
"Well, he did. I spent the weekend working on my new look. I got contacts, finally got my hair manageable, and updated my wardrobe. Now if you guys will excuse me, I'm meeting Linda at the student union."
Jerry left the lab. Mike and Reggie just stared at each other, a bit stunned. Anyway, Jerry walked over to the student union. Linda was waiting for him inside.
"Hi," she said. "I like your new look."
"Thanks," Jerry said. "About time I ditched those glasses, huh?"
"Believe me, you look much better without them."
Jerry smiled, and his cheeks turned a light shade of pink. He got a little flustered at the compliment and accidently knocked his cup of coffee off the table and onto the floor.
"Oops," he said. "Guess I'm still a klutz, huh?"
"I think klutzes are very cute," Linda said.
Jerry only blushed harder. At that moment, the football coach walked in, and directly up to Jerry.
"Well, well, well," he said. "Looks like Professor Geek Bait is sporting a new look. What happened? Someone break your dorky glasses?"
"Yeah, actually," Jerry said. "I got contacts this weekend."
"Not to mention your hair and clothes look a lot better. But that doesn't fool me, Blavat. I know you're still a klutz at heart!"
"And chicks don't like klutzes!"
"Whatever you say, Coach."
"They like jocks like me! They don't fall flat on their faces all the time! They like a guy who can stay on his feet!"
The coach was about to walk off. Jerry noticed he was about to step into the puddle of coffee Jerry had spilled earlier, and the floors of the student union tended to get slippery whenever any liquid substance was on it, whether it be water, coffee, or soda pop.
"Uh, Coach," he warned. "I think maybe you should . . . . ."
"I don't need advice from you, Geek Bait," the coach said. "I know what I'm doing! I'm completely under . . . . . . whoa!"
The coach stepped directly in the coffee, slipped, and fell flat on his back. Everybody at the student union began pointing and laughing like hyenas.
"I tried to warn you, Coach," Jerry said, with a shrug.
"Grrrr!" the coach growled, still flat on his back.
Jerry and Linda laughed, stood up, and left the student union hand in hand. It was
the beginning of a beautiful friendship.