The Quest



Mike sat at a desk at Screen Gems and proceeded to type something up on the typewriter. He was no longer trying to write his own movie. He had given up on that. He was just typing anything at all, nothing in particular. He just liked typing on the typewriter. As he was doing that, Bob came over to him with a new script.

"Hey Mike!" he called.

"You've got a new script for me," Mike replied, not even looking up from the typewriter.

"How'd you know?" Bob asked.

"I know you all to well, Bob. Every time you want my attention, you give me a new script."

"Oh. Well, uhh, how 'bout looking at it?"

"I'm a little busy now. I'll look at it later."

"Okay."

With that, Bob walked off. Mike glanced at the script, and zapped it into confetti. Without reading it, he could tell it was another one of the Writer's world famous clunkers. He continued to work on the typewriter.

"Hey, Mike," Jerry said, coming over to him. "What's happening?"

"Unfortunately not much," Mike replied. "I'm just sittin' here typin' 'cause I got nothin' better to do."

"Makes sense to me. Writer give you another clunk of a script, huh?"

"Ye-ep. I gotta tell you, Jer, you're lucky you've got your radio show. It gives you somethin' to do. And it gives me somethin' to listen to."

"I thought you didn't like my schtick."

"I'm not too crazy about it, but it grows on you after awhile."

"Yeah, speaking of that said show, I've gotta split. I'll see you later."

"Sure, bye."

Jerry left, and Mike went back to typing. After awhile, he reached over, and plugged his headphones into his radio. The others didn't mind if he listened to Jerry's show, as long as he either kept the volume down or wore headphones. Reggie walked over to him at that point.

"What are you typing?" he asked.

"Nothin' in particular," Mike said. "Why do you ask?"

"Well, you've been sitting over here typing for what seems like all day, and I just wanted to know what you were typing."

"Reg, if it seems that I've been typin' all day, that's because I have been typin' all day. Look."

Mike indicated a pile of papers, all filled with text. Reggie shook his head and laughed. Then he sat down in a chair, picked up a book, and prepared to read it, and watch Mike type, and probably punch out the radio at one time, especially if Jerry started singing with the record. At the moment, Jerry was getting ready for his show. He began sorting through his records, turning things on, that sort of thing. He was unaware of a presence in the studio with him. Jerry turned on the console, put a record on his turntable, and set the needle on the record. He was about to turn on his microphone when a hand came down on his shoulder. Jerry jumped, and turned around slowly. He found himself face to face with a shadowed figure. He or she waved his or her hand in front of Jerry's face, and the DJ was put into a deep sleep. Then the figure waved his or her cape over Jerry, and both of them disappeared. Once the song was over, all that came out over the radio was very loud feedback. Mike screamed and immediately pulled his headphones off his ears.

"Yeeeowww!" he shouted.

"What's the matter?" Reggie asked.

"I just heard the worse feedback! I wonder what's up?"

"I don't know, but I could hear that feedback myself. It had to be the loudest screech known to man!"

"Somethin's up. My sixth sense is tellin' me trouble's afoot."

"What kind of trouble?"

"I don't know."

At that moment, Davy and Peter ran into the room. Davy was carrying a white envelope.

"'Ey, Mike!" he shouted. "You got a lettah."

"We think it's from the Other Realm," Peter said.

Mike took the envelope, opened it, and took out the letter. Then he got a sick look to his face.

"I've been summoned to the Council of Witches," he said.

"The Witches Council?" Davy asked.

"No, Council of Witches," Mike replied. "There's a big difference. The Council of Witches is a lot like the Dark Circle, but I don't think they dwell in darkness. What would they want to see me for?"

"I don't know," Peter said.

"Only one way to find out," Mike said. "I'll see you guys later. Tell Bob where I went."

Davy, Peter, and Reggie nodded, and then they looked at each other. They were wondering what in the world was happening. At any rate, Mike to his house, and down to the basement. This was his porthole to the Other Realm. He walked through the back door in the basement, and was transported to the Council of Witches. He approached the five of them, sitting in their places.

"You sent for me?" he asked.

"We did," the head of the Council, Lucretia, said. "Michael, it has been known that you are quite powerful."

"I am. My witch magic is pretty powerful."

"We know. But we're not exactly sure you're using your witch magic the way you're supposed to."

"What do you mean?"

"In the past year, you have zapped movie scripts into confetti, bombarded almost everyone you see with water bombs, and wreak havoc with your magic and call it fun. You wouldn't know what to do if you were put to the test."

"Yeah I would. Put me to the test."

"I'm so glad you said that."

Lucretia got down from her spot and waved her arm. Mike's sixth sense began to get aggravated just then. He had to put his hand to his head in order to try to get rid of the painful sensation. A large crystal of some kind lowered from the ceiling. Frozen inside of it was Jerry, wearing what looked like a blue toga, and he was still in a deep sleep.

"Jerry!" Mike shouted. "Oh my god, what did you do to him?!"

"This is part of the test," Lucretia said. "We want you to prove your magic."

"Prove my magic?! Whattaya prove my magic?!"

"We want you to seek out nine items. My council will pick them up from you and give you the next item in which you are supposed to retrieve."

"Okay, no problem. I can handle this easily."

"I find it fair to warn you though, that your mission is dangerous, since you will be up against many obstacles, some of which have more power than you will ever know."

"Hey, I don't have to prove my powers to you guys! What's the worst you can do to me? Take away my magic?"

"No, we can think of something much worse to do to you. Precisely which is why I had Blavat brought here. You are fully expendable."

"What do you mean?"

"Refuse to prove your powers, and Blavat will die."

Mike gulped. He looked over at the crystal Jerry was suspended in. He'd be able to break it easily. He raised his index finger and gave it a good zap, but the beam bounced off the crystal and went in every direction. Lucretia laughed.

"Isn't that easy, is it?" she asked. "It's up to you, Michael. Go on the mission, or Blavat perishes. The choice is yours!"

Mike thought about it for a minute. He had a feeling that the Council would use all their power combined on Jerry if he didn't accept the mission. He wasn't too thrilled with having to prove his powers in the first place, but he agreed.

"You're right," he said. "I'm fully expendable this way. You put Jerry in a dangerous situation, I'll do whatever you want. But you have to promise to let him go."

"All right, but only when you return. That way, you won't try to back out on us."

"Deal."

"Follow me, Michael."

Mike followed Lucretia out of the Council Room. He couldn't believe what he was about to do. Lucretia led him in front of a giant porthole.

"Here's the deal," she said. "You will find nine treasures, all of which my council members will give you. You must bring them to one of my council members in one piece, and they must be flawless."

"That shouldn't be too hard."

"And you will have only three days to do so."

"What?!"

"Failure to bring us these items, or if they are flawed, or if you run out of time, or if you should decide to abandon your quest, then Jerry Blavat will face the consequences."

"And I have only my magic and my wits to help me?"

"Exactly."

"Well, I don't agree with the methods, but I'll do it anyway, since you're promisin' to let Jerry go after I complete this mission. What's the first treasure?"

"Your first task is to obtain the jeweled goblet of Methandonia."

Lucretia him a scroll. Mike unrolled it and stared at the picture. It looked like a basic wine goblet, only it was gold and had multi colored jewels on it.

"Okay," he said. "Methandonia, here I come. Do I come back here once I get it or what?"

"No, you stay there. We'll know once you obtain it. Reina will pick it up, and give you your second task."

"Got it."

Mike folded up the scroll, and then jumped through the porthole. He swam through neon lights, and then crash landed in what looked like some medieval forest. He had a feeling most of the places that had the treasures were places lost in time. To better fit in with the times, Mike snapped his fingers, and his clothing changed, similar to what he wore in the Monkees episode, "Fairy Tale," only with the green wool hat. He walked down the path until he came to a village of some kind. People were walking around, greeting each other, that sort of thing. Mike walked straight into it, hoping to find a little help. A peasant woman approached him almost immediately.

"Hello," she said. "Are you new here?"

"Yeah, but I ain't stayin' long," Mike said. "Listen, do you know where I can find the jeweled goblet of Methandonia?"

"I'm afraid it belongs to the king. And no peasant is allowed to see the king, much less ask for one of his royal treasures."

"There's always a catch to it. But this isn't a problem. Listen lady, I'll get in to see the king. Mark my words. Where's the palace?"

"That way, but you can't . . . ."

"Thank you."

"But you can't . . . ."

Mike was too far gone for the lady to say anything else. He approached the drawbridge and stood there.

"Hey, open the drawbridge!" he shouted.

"Who goes there and what do you want?!" the guard asked.

"My name's Michael Nesmith and I'm here to see the king."

"Nobody gets in to see the king! Not nobody not no how!"

"Okay, if you won't open the drawbridge, I'll open it myself!"

"And just how are you going to do that?"

Mike pursed his lips for a moment, thinking it over. Then he backed up about ten paces, and snapped his fingers. The drawbridge came flying down. Then he proceeded to walk into the palace.

"Any more questions, bright boy?" he asked.

"That's impossible!" the guard shouted, and he just let Mike walk right through the palace door. The guard ran down and approached him.

"How did you do it?" he asked.

"How'd I do it, he asks," Mike said, with a laugh. "I snapped my fingers and brought the bridge down. I'm half witch."

"Oh dear. Please, don't curse me! Please, please, please don't curse me!"

"Take me to see the king, then."

"Right away, sir! Right away!"

The guard led Mike down the hall and into the throne room. Then he approached the king, who was short, fat, and stuffing his face.

"Your majesty," the guard said, nervously.

"What is it?!" the king barked. "Can't you see I'm eating?!"

"There is a young man named Michael Nesmith who wants to see you. He's a witch!"

"A witch?!"

"That's right, king," Mike said, coming. "Witch. Well, half witch, actually, but I can still pack a wallop, you know."

"You don't look much like a witch," the king said.

"Looks can be decievin'. I'm gonna come straight to the point, sire. I'm here for the jeweled goblet of Methandonia."

"What do you want with it?"

"I don't know, I was just sent to get it, so tell me where it is, and I'll be on my way."

"Come with me."

The king jumped off his throne, and then walked down the hallway. Mike followed him. Then the king opened a door.

"This is my treasure vault," he said. "The goblet is straight ahead."

"Yep, that's it all right," Mike said, checking the scroll. "I'll be taking it now."

"Not so fast! Nobody takes any of my treasure! Nobody! Guards! Arrest this thief!"

"Wait a minute!"

Two guards came, and grabbed Mike by the arms. Mike snapped his fingers, and a thunder cloud appeared above the guards heads. Lightning zapped out of it and struck the guards in the rears. The two of them screamed and then ran down the hallway.

"It's obvious you're not leaving without my goblet," the king said.

"You betcha big fella," Mike said, folding his arms across his chest.

"And you're a witch, you say?"

"Half witch."

"Then how about a little stand off between you and my court magician?"

"Court magician, huh? Well, okay, I guess. What's his name, Merlin?"

"Well, yes, but we call him Buzz."

"Buzz?"

Mike wondered about that, and followed the king into the town square, where the stand off was to be held. Mike knew this wasn't going to be as easy as it looked, considering his sixth sense was going berserk. And it went even more crazy when he caught sight of Buzz, the court magician. He was big, and muscular, much bigger than Mike.

"Ho boy," Mike said. Suddenly a trumpet blew, and a town crier appeared.

"Hear ye, hear ye!" he shouted. "The battle is about to begin! In this corner, Buzz Merlin, the court magician!"

Everybody began to scream and cheer for Buzz.

"And in this corner," the town crier continued. "The challenger, Michael Nesmith!"

Silence. Mike rolled his eyes, and began to concentrate on Buzz, looking for a weak point or something.

"Listen up gentlemen, here are the rules," the town crier said. "You can use whatever magic you wish, but no changing into animals or disappearing. The winner will receive the jeweled goblet. Ready, go!"

The town crier fired a pop gun, and the battle was on. Buzz raised his hands in the air, and threw a large blast of magic at Mike. Mike sailed straight through a brick wall. Everybody began to laugh at that. Mike growled, and climbed out of the hole.

"If only I had more power," he said. "Then I'd be able to clobber ths joker. He'd be toast then."

Instead, Mike snapped his fingers, and dropped a water bomb on the brute. Buzz growled, and waved his hand in a circle. Mike was raised into the air, and dropped into a bucket, which happened to be in a well. Then Buzz snapped his fingers, and Mike plummeted into the well.

"Whoa!" Mike shouted.

KER-SPLASH! Mike hit the bottom of the well. He climbed out of the bucket and glared.

"Okay, fine," he said. "I may have to use a little strategy on this one."

Mike grabbed the rope and began to pull himself out of the well. Once back on solid ground, he snapped his fingers, and what appeared to be a bow appeared in his hand. He began to shoot off his magic like arrows, and he managed to pin Buzz to the wall. Then he pointed his index finger at Buzz, and moved it back and forth. Buzz acted like he was being slapped in both sides of his face. Then Mike dropped a brick on the magician's head, and he dropped.

"The winner, Michael Nesmith!" the town crier shouted. Mike smiled and walked over to the king.

"I believe you owe me a jeweled goblet," he said.

"Best two out of three," the king said.

"Sorry. But I won fair and square, so I get the goblet."

The king grumbled, and handed Mike the jeweled goblet. Then Mike left the kingdom, and went back to the forest. A porthole opened, and one of Lucretia's Council members, Reina, appeared.

"I see you have the jeweled goblet," she said.

"Yep," Mike said, handing it to her, as well as the scroll. "What's next?"

"The golden rose. It is found in the Fairy Forest."

"Fairy Forest? No problem."

Reina handed Mike a scroll, and the two of them jumped through the porthole. They landed in a garden filled with different types of flowers. Roses, pansies, carnations, lilies, every kind of flower imaginable, in a variety of colors.

"I'll see you later," Reina said. "Edward will meet you once you obtain the rose."

"Gotcha," Mike said, and Reina jumped back through the porthole.

Mike opened the scroll and looked at the picture of the golden rose. It was a rose made of solid gold. He didn't think this would be too hard to get. There were millions of flowers in the garden, but not all of them could have been solid gold.

"Jerry, you'll be free in no time," he said, rolling up the scroll and walking off to find his target.

Mike walked along the garden, looking around for the rose. Finally, he spotted a pedestal in the middle of the garden. Sitting on it was a rose, made out of solid gold. Mike smiled and ran over to it.

"Ah ha!" he shouted. "Found it! And it was easier than I thought."

Mike reached over to get the rose, but just as his fingers brushed it, it disappeared into thin air! Mike was taken aback, and just stared into space for a minute.

"It's gone!" he shouted. "How'd that happen? Where'd it go?"

Mike looked all around for the rose, not quite knowing how to explain where it had gone. It was all too confusing. Finally, he heard giggling from the distance, but he didn't see anyone, or anything, except tiny lights.

"These are either fireflies or fairies," he said, and he began to swat at them. The fairies were too fast for him. They laughed and flew in all sorts of directions. Mike heaved a frustrated sigh.

"Okay, if that's the way you want to play it," he said, and he began zapping. But the fairies were moving too fast for him. He had to stop before his battery ran dead. Suddenly, the rose reappeared. Mike grabbed for it, but just as he got to it, it disappeared again!

"Hey, what the?" he asked.

The rose reappeared again. Mike tried to grab it, but it disappeared. It kept on reappearing and disappearing every time he tried to touch it. And the fairies were giggling their heads off at him. Mike finally decided to play it their way. If they were going to be tricky, he was going to have to be trickier. He walked away from the rose, trying to lure the fairies into a false sense of security. They flew towards the rose. Mike snapped his fingers almost immediately, and trapped all the fairies in a spider web. Then he picked up the rose and laughed at them.

"Guess who has the last laugh now?" he asked, then he walked off. As he was walking, a porthole opened, and out came Edward. Mike handed him the rose.

"Where am I goin' now?" he asked. "On this fun filled mission?"

"To the city of Tu Pei," Edward said, handing Mike a scroll. "It's an oriental city, and you're going to retrieve the jade pendant."

"Jade pendant. Okay, fine. Lead the way."

Edward and Mike jumped into the porthole, and came out in an oriental city. Edward handed Mike a scroll and then went back to the porthole.

"Joel should be meeting you once you have the pendant," he said. "See you around."

Edward jumped through the porthole and disappeared. Mike sighed, snapped his fingers, and changed clothes again. This time he was wearing somewhat of a short Japanese kimono and sandals. He could barely stand up!

"Oh great, just great," he said. "How the heck am I supposed to walk in this thing?!"

"Oh, very carefully," a lady said, passing him.

"Riiight," Mike said, nodding, and began to walk into the city of Tu Pei. Or try to. He couldn't very well move in the sandals, but he had no choice. He didn't want to walk around the city barefoot. Finally, he walked inside the city and looked around. He came across a merchant selling jewelry.

"Can I interest you in something, sir?" he asked.

"Maybe," Mike said. "I'm lookin' for a jade pendant."

"Ah, I know it well. It belongs to the Emperor and Empress. It is one of their many treasures."

"I had a feelin', but I need it. My friend is in huge trouble if I don't get that pendant."

"I can not help you get it. You will have to talk to the Emperor and Empress yourself."

"Can you at least point me in the direction of the palace?"

"It is straight down this road. You can't miss it."

"Thanks, pal."

Mike walked off down the road. On his way, he passed a little girl who was standing by a tree, crying. Mike stopped for a sec.

"Hey, what's the matter?" he asked.

"My kitten," the little girl said. "He climbed the tree, and now he will not come down."

"I'll get him for you."

Mike looked at the branch and saw a little siamese kitten sitting their, meowing his head off. He snapped his fingers and a broomstick appeared in his hands. About twenty people saw that. Then he straddled it, squeezed it, and took to the air. He stopped at the branch, plucked the kitten off, and flew back to the ground. Everyone stared at him, intently. Mike landed and handed the kitten back to the girl.

"There ya go," he said. Then he noticed everyone staring at him. "Come on, people, show's over. Go back to your homes. There's nothin' more to see."

Mike started for the palace. As it turned out, there were two guards from the palace who saw him make a broom appear out of thin air, and then fly. They had to tell the Emperor and Empress. Both of them were pretty much impressed.

"You will know him immediately, your majesty," one of the guards said. "He had on a purple robe, and a green wool hat."

"Bring him to me once he arrives," the Emperor said.

"Yes, your majesty."

Mike arrived at the palace a few minutes later. The guards immediately took him to the Emperor and Empress.

"You made a broom appear out of nowhere?" the Emperor asked. "And then caused it to fly?"

"Yeah, I did," Mike said.

"You must be a very powerful sorcerer."

"No, not really. I'm part witch, and I happen to posses a great deal of magic. Listen, I'm glad I got in to talk to you. I need to ask you something."

"Questions later," the Emperor replied. "We must have a feast to welcome our guest!"

"Well, now that you mention it, I am hungry."

That was all it took. The Emperor's chef prepared one huge feast. It was like eating out at a Chinese restaurant, except Mike ended up sitting cross legged on the floor. Not that he cared. It was time to recharge his battery anyway. He couldn't get the hang of chopsticks at first, but then he snapped his fingers and became a pro at it in no time. For entertainment during the feast, there were acrobats and gymnasts. After the feast, Mike directed everyone's attention to the sky, and thrust his hand into the air. He had created a spectacular fireworks show with a little help from his magic. After that, the Emperor and Empress were ready to get down to business.

"So what was it that you wanted to ask us?" the Emperor said.

"Well, see, I'm on the search for a jade pendant," Mike said. "I heard that you had it as one of your many treasures."

"That is true," the Empress said. "Come. We will show it to you."

Mike followed the Emperor and Empress into the treasure room. The Empress took a necklace out of a case and showed it to Mike. It was a green stone set in a gold setting on a gold chain.

"That's it, huh?" he asked.

"Yes," the Empress said. "But I am afraid you can not have it."

"Why not?" Mike asked.

"Because it belongs to me," a voice said. Mike turned around and saw a young man standing in the doorway.

"Allow me to introduce to you my son," the Emperor said. "Ni Son. He will inherit the throne one day, and that includes the pendant."

"You even think of taking it, and I'll kick you so hard it will make your ancestors hurt!" Ni Son shouted. "I am a master at kung fu fighting! I'm as fast as lightning!"

"It's nice to see disco has some appreciation," Mike said. Then he sighed. "Look buster, I really need that pendant! My friend's life depends on it!"

"I'll tell you what, I'll fight you for it. I win, I keep the pendant. You win, you take the pendant. Okay?"

"Ah so."

Within minutes, Mike and Ni Son were ready to battle in hand to hand combat. Unfortunately, Mike didn't know what in the world he was doing.

"What have I gotten myself into?" he asked. "Maybe I'll luck out. Maybe he's not as good as he says he is."

Mike watched Ni Son warm up. There was a stack of boards on a large table. Ni Son brought his hand up, and slammed it into the boards. Not only did he chop them in half, but the table as well.

"Hiya!" he shouted as he chopped.

"I'm doomed!" Mike said.

Mike only knew a little self defense, and that was from what he picked up while going to Fluey's karate matches. He would just have to fake it. A gong sounded, and Mike and Ni Son met in the center of the arena. The two of them bowed at each other, and then the gong sounded again. Mike raised his hands into the air, and began blocking kicks and karate chops. Not only was Ni Son good, he was fast! Mike was having a hard time dodging the blows. Finally, Ni Son belted him right in the side of the head. Mike fell to the ground, but stood up quickly. Then Ni Son kicked him in the stomach.

"You give up?" he asked.

"I have not yet begun to fight!" Mike shouted.

"I see that."

Ni Son gave Mike another kick to the stomach. Mike lurched over. He had to fight back somehow, but he didn't know any self defense at all. He didn't want to use his magic to boost his skills, either. That would be cheating. So finally, he stood up, and finally kicked Ni Son in the stomach. Then Ni Son looked at him, ready to belt him again, when Mike pointed.

"What's that?" he asked.

"Where?" Ni Son said, and Mike kicked him again. Then he snapped his fingers and a waterfall and goldfish fell on Ni Son.

"What the?" he asked. Then a goldfish went down his shirt.

"Hoya!" Mike shouted, kicking Ni Son in the stomach, and then finally ending with a karate chop to the shoulder. Ni Son fell to the mat. Mike breathed of relief, glad it was all over. The Emperor handed him the jade pendant, and Mike was off.

As Mike ran outside the palace, he ran into Joel, who was another member of Lucretia's Council. Mike caught his breath and handed him the jade pendant.

"Now where to?" he asked.

"Venentia," Joel said. "You need to retrieve the Regatti Necklace."

"I heard about that thing. It was stolen from the Council nearly twenty years ago and put on display in a small area of the Realm."

"Precisely. You have to get it back for us."

"Okay."

"But be careful. The guards are tricky."

"Well, I can be trickier. How much time do I have left?"

"Two days."

"Okay."

Mike and Joel jumped through the porthole. Mike found himself swimming in a canal.

"I also heard Venentia is similar to Venice," he said, climbing into a boat. He took a stick and began paddling off.

"Hey look at me," he said. "I'm a gondolier! If Jerry could only see me now!"

Mike cut the jokes right away. This wasn't the time for that, anyway. He had to find the Regatti Necklace. He closed his eyes, put his fingers to his temples, and concentrated on it. His sixth sense led him right to it. It was in a museum that was just closing up. Mike went inside as the crowd was rushing out. Then he hid in the men's room until he was sure the coast was clear. He snuck out of the bathroom, and walked around. He followed the signs that led to the Regatti Necklace. There wasn't much to it. It was just a diamond shaped gold setting with a red circular gem in the middle. He saw a sign directly under the glass case.

"Hmmm," he said, reading the sign. "Do not touch. Okay, looks like just openin' the thing ain't gonna do any good."

Mike stared at the case for a long time. Then, he decided to move it telepathically and smash it open. He backed away, put his fingers to his temples, and closed his eyes. Slowly, he moved the case upwards and over to him. Then he opened his eyes, and the glass case fell to the ground, smashing to pieces. Mike pointed his index finger at the necklace, zapped it, and pulled it over to him. However, the act didn't go unnoticed. Two guards arrived on the scene.

"What's going on here?" one of them asked.

"Hey look!" the other said. "He's got the necklace!"

"After him!"

"Uh oh," Mike said. He put the necklace on and began to run off. Suddenly, he skidded to a halt, and faced the guards.

"I'm not afraid of you!" he shouted. "This necklace belongs to the Council!"

"Just give that to us, half-witch," the first guard said. "This doesn't have to get ugly."

"Don't think so."

Mike thrust his hand forward and gave the two guards a good zap. They were frozen in position. Mike ran off, and waited for someone to show up. Another Council member, Celia, appeared after awhile.

"Here's the Regatti Necklace," Mike said, giving her the necklace. "Where am I goin' now?"

"Mergonia," Celia replied. "There's an auction there, and they're auctioning off the Maltese Eagle. That's your next target."

"How am I supposed to win an auction?"

"You're a famous singer aren't you?"

"Yeah, so?"

"So you've got the money, don't you?"

"If I write a check, yeah."

"Then what's the problem?"

Celia gave Mike a scroll, and the two of them jumped through the porthole. Mike really wanted to quit, but he knew he couldn't. Four items down, five more to go, and he only had less than two days to do it in.

"Hang in there, Jerry," Mike said, as he landed. "I'll get you out of this mess somehow."

Mike walked along and found the place where the auction was to be held. People were walking in, all wearing either evening gowns or tuxedos.

"Oh, a black tie affair, huh?" Mike asked. "No sweat." He snapped his fingers and his clothes changed to a black tuxedo. Then he walked inside with the rest of the crowd.

Mike took a seat near the front, and glanced around. There were at least one to two hundred people there. The auctioneer came in next. She had on a long, sequined evening gown, and her hair was done up in some weird hairdo. She banged the gavel on the desk.

"Let the bidding begin," she said. "First item for sale, this painting by Luis Clineschmidt."

Mike kept his mouth shut while people made at least a dozen gestures. He waited for the Maltese Eagle to be auctioned off.

"What am I bid for the fabulous Maltese Eagle?" the auctioneer asked. "Do I hear five dollars?"

"Baby, you hear ten if it'll get me that eagle!" Mike shouted.

"I have ten from the young man in the black tux with the long black hair!" the auctioneer said. "I have ten, who'll make it fifteen!"

A woman tugged her ear. Mike glared at her.

"Fifteen! I have fifteen!" the auctioneer shouted. "Do I hear twenty?"

"Twenty-five!" Mike shouted.

"I have twenty-five, who'll make it thirty?"

"Thirty-five!" a man from the back called out.

"Fifty!" Mike yelled.

"Fifty-five!"

"Sixty!"

"I have sixty!" the auctioneer shouted. "I have sixty! Sixty going once, sixty going twice . . . . ."

"Eighty!" the man in the back shouted.

"Eighty! I have eighty!" the auctioneer cried, raising her gavel. "Eighty going once, eighty going twice . . . ."

Mike had to think fast. Finally, he jumped to his feet and faced the auctioneer.

"One hundred twenty seven dollars and two cents!" he shouted, then he turned to the other man. "And if you go any higher than that, fella, you'll be sportin' your false teeth on the other side of your head!"

The other man sunk in his seat. The auctioneer shrugged, and raised her gavel.

"A hundred twenty seven dollars and two cents going once, going twice," she said, and then banged her gavel on the table. "Sold to the young man with the long black hair, and short red temper!"

Mike walked up to the stage, and took possession of the eagle. Once he got a good look at it, he grimaced.

"I think I overpaid for this thing," he said.

"I know what you mean," the auctioneer said. "It ain't a pretty sight, I tell you. Yucchhh!"

"Now I see why you started the biddin' at five bucks!"

Mike was about to meet the next Council member when suddenly a blast of magic appeared out of nowhere, and zapped the eagle. Standing in the middle of the room was a young warlock, holding the Maltese Eagle in his hand.

"All right, nobody move!" he shouted. "I'm taking the eagle and moving out, and there's nothing you can do to stop me!"

"Hey!" Mike shouted. "I paid for that Maltese Eagle fair and square, now hand it over!"

"You're out of your league, Jack!"

The thief blasted Mike in the stomach and sent him flying towards the wall. Then he laughed. Mike stood up, clenched his fists, and grinded his teeth together.

"That's it!" he shouted. "Now I'm mad!"

Mike stormed over to the thief and snapped his fingers. He was put into some kind of trance.

"Yes master," he said.

"Now that I have your attention," Mike said. "Give me the Maltese Eagle."

"Yes master."

"Now go turn yourself in to the Other Realm Authorities."

"Yes master."

The thief was off. Mike sighed, rolled his eyes, and left the place, not wanting to hang around for the rest of the auction. Reina was waiting for him.

"What kept you?" she asked.

"I had to stop a thief from stealin' the eagle," Mike said. "I don't think I can take much more of this!"

"Relax. You only have four more treasures to go. You're going after the famed Dragon's Heart next."

"Dragon's Heart? Sounds disgustin'."

"It's a ruby, stupid! The largest heart shaped ruby in the world, hence the name Dragon's Heart."

"Oh."

"It's found in Fyroria. This porthole will take you right there."

"Gotcha."

Mike jumped through the porthole and was off. He landed in the kingdom, and found a large gathering, all wearing masks and costumes.

"A regular masquerade ball," Mike said, snapping his fingers. His attire changed once more. This time, he was wearing all black, including a black cape, and mask. The only spot of color on him was his green wool hat.

"Now to get that ruby," he said, walking into the palace.

The palace was jammed with people wearing all sorts of crazy costumes. It sort of reminded Mike of Mardi Gras, but he didn't say anything. He just walked around, looking for the darn ruby. Finally, he came across a young woman, wearing a gigantic heart shaped ruby around her neck.

"Excuse me," he said. "That wouldn't happen to be the Dragon's Heart, would it?"

"Yes it is," the woman said. "Allow me to introduce myself. I'm Marlena, queen of Fyroria. And you are?"

"Mike Nesmith, half witch from California."

"Oh, you have magic powers?"

"Sure do. Watch this."

Mike snapped his fingers, and a fireworks display appeared outside, much like the one he produced in Tu Pei. Marlena and her guests were impressed. But there was someone who wasn't impressed. That happened to be a large fire breathing dragon. He saw all the lights from the display and stormed over to the palace, bent on tearing it down piece by piece. Everybody inside began to panic when he arrived.

"Somebody do something!" one woman called out. Marlena turned to Mike.

"If you can use your magic to get rid of the dragon, I'll give you anything you want!" she shouted.

"Anythin'?" Mike asked.

"Anything!"

"How 'bout the Dragon's Heart you've got around your neck?"

"It's yours if you destroy the dragon."

"Say goodnight to Furnace Breath! He's history!"

Mike dashed out the door in order to really sock it to the dragon. He created one heck of a thunder storm, but the dragon wasn't even phased by it. He shot a flame out at Mike. Mike snapped his fingers again, and held up a large shield, in order to block the oncoming flames.

"You know, these things just don't happen to Errol Flynn!" he shouted.

Finally, Mike had an idea. He was going about it all wrong. He snapped his fingers again, and a fire extinguisher appeared in his hands. He aimed it at the dragon's mouth, and turned it on. Water came out full blast, flying directly into the dragon's mouth, dousing the flames. The dragon whimpered like a puppy and then ran off, never to be heard from again. Everybody inside the palace cheered. Mike smiled triumphantly and walked over to Marlena.

"I got rid of the dragon," he said. "And you did promise me anythin'."

"A promise is a promise," Marlena said. She took off the Dragon's Heart, and handed it to Mike. Mike took it and was off.

Standing outside a porthole was Edward, waiting to give Mike his next assignment.

"What's next?" he asked.

"Next you have to retrieve the famed Crystal Ball Ring," Edward said. "It's part of the test."

"Couldn't you give me a hundred multiple choice questions, instead?"

"Nope. It's all part of the test."

"Oh lord."

Mike sighed, and jumped through the porthole. He found himself standing at the foot of a large beanstalk.

"The ol' Jack and the Beanstalk trick," he groaned. "Well, I'd better get to work climbin' this thing, or the Writer doesn't have any story from here."

Mike climbed up the beanstalk, and ended up in Giant Land. There was a large castle in the distance. Something told him that the Crystal Ball Ring was in there. Mike ran for the castle, squeezed under the crack in the door, and climbed up a table leg. There, he found a giant treasure chest, filled with gold coins, jewels, and other items. One of the smallest items happened to be a ring, although there was a huge crystal on it.

"That's got to be it!" Mike shouted, picking it up. "Sheesh, this thing's as big as Texas!"

"Fe Fi Fo Fum!" an extremely loud voice shouted.

"Uh oh. Somethin' tells me that's the giant!"

Mike slid down the table leg, and hid. The giant came stomping in, and looked around.

"I smell the blood of a half witch!" he shouted. Then he got down on his knees and looked directly at Mike.

"Ah ha!" he shouted.

"Yikes!" Mike shouted. He poked the giant in the eye and ran off.

"I'll get you, you little pipsqueak!" the giant yelled.

Mike ran as fast as he could. Instead of climbing down the beanstalk, he jumped off it! He snapped his fingers and a pile of mattresses landed on the ground and cushioned his fall. Finally, he stood up, and looked up to the top of the beanstalk. The giant was coming down at a fast pace. Mike snapped his fingers, and the beanstalk began to break. It fell like a tree.

"Timber!" Mike yelled.

CRASH! The giant landed on the ground, and was never heard from again. Mike breathed of relief, and took the Crystal Ball Ring to the next porthole. Joel was waiting for him, cleaning his fingernails.

"Not bad," he said, taking the ring, and handing Mike a scroll. "You do realize, though, that you only have one more day to complete your tasks?"

"This is drivin' me bats," Mike said. "Giants, dragons, magicians, what's next?!"

"You're going back to a medieval kingdom."

"Good grief."

"You need to get the mystic moonstone from Moongolia."

Mike sighed, and then jumped through the porthole. He walked through a kingdom, and noticed he was up against another drawbridge. He rolled his eyes, snapped his fingers, and it came down.

"Let's just get this over with," he said.

Mike walked down a dark hallway and found himself face to face with a wizard, sitting in front of a large crystal ball.

"Now who are you?" Mike asked.

"Malcolm the Magician," the wizard replied. "Who are you?"

"Mike the Monkee. I'm here to see the mystic moonstone."

"Ah. I shall show it to you."

Malcolm led Mike into the vault. Sitting on a pedestal was a gold necklace, with a red triangular shaped stone in the middle of it. Mike gave it a funny look.

"That's the mystic moonstone?" he asked.

"I'll admit, it isn't much," Malcolm said. "But it's very powerful."

"I'll have to take your word for it. I'll just take it now and be on my way."

"Hold it. You can't take it! It belongs to me!"

"Look, I don't have much time here. My friend's life is at stake, and if I don't get that moonstone, he's a dead man!"

"I'm sorry, but the only way you'll get that moonstone from me is if we have a Wizard's Duel, and you're not a wizard."

"But I am half witch! I'll challenge you to a Wizard's Duel, all right!"

"Very well. Let the games begin! Winner gets the moonstone!"

Mike and Malcolm met outside on the fighting grounds. They were about to go over the rules.

"Rule number one," Malcolm said. "No mineral or vegetable. Only animal. Rule number two, no silly make believe things like pink dragons or something like that. Rule number three, no disappearing."

"And rule number four," Mike interjected. "No cheatin'. I heard about you, Malcolm, you're known to cheat!"

"You've been reading your Who's Who in the Witches Manual. Let the duel begin!"

Malcolm waved his hand and turned into a rhinoceros, and he began to charge. Mike gulped, and snapped his fingers. He turned into a monkey and climbed up a tree. Malcolm ran right by it. Then he turned himself into a fox. Mike climbed down, in order to see what was going on. He saw Malcolm as a fox, and ran off faster than he did before. Then he turned himself into a bird, and flew into the air.

"I'd like to see you get me now!" he taunted.

"Watch this!" Malcolm shouted, and he turned himself into a vulture.

Mike got a nervous look on his face, and dive bombed to the ground, turning himself into a dog. Malcolm laughed, landed, and turned himself into a snake. He chased Mike into a log. Mike then turned himself into a crab, complete with pinchers. He climbed up through a hole in the log. Malcolm the snake popped up after awhile.

"Where'd he go?" he asked.

"I'm right here, big fella!" Mike shouted, and he nearly pinched off Malcolm's head. Malcolm then turned himself into a tiger and busted out of the log. He grabbed Mike with his paw and was about to swallow him.

"Mmmm, crab cakes!" he shouted.

Mike gulped and changed himself into a goat. Then he butted Malcolm in the stomach with his head, and then charged.

"Yikes!" Malcolm shouted, and he began to run.

"Looks like I've got the upper hand now!" Mike shouted, chasing Malcolm with his horns aimed right at the tiger's rear. Malcolm then disappeared in a puff of smoke.

"Hey!" Mike shouted. "You're breakin' your own rule, Malcolm! No disappearin', remember?!"

"Who's disappearing?" Malcolm asked, and a giant purple dragon appeared out of nowhere. Mike changed back to his regular form and stared up at the wizard.

"Hey wait a minute!" he shouted. "You said no dragons!"

"I said no pink dragons!" Malcolm laughed. "I didn't say no purple dragons!"

Malcolm spat flames out at Mike. The Texan Monkee dodged them, and finally snapped his fingers. He appeared to have disappeared.

"Wait a minute, Mike," he said. "No disappearing, remember?"

"Now who said I disappeared?" Mike asked. "Besides, I can't disappear anyway. I'm just the size of a germ now. I'm so small that you can't see me! And since I'm the size of a germ, I can mess with your head a bit. I am a germ now. And guess what? You caught me!"

"Oh no."

"Yeah, first of all, you're gonna feel hot, and then you're gonna get cold, and then you'll break out in spots, and then you'll start sneezin'."

Ahh . . . . . ahhh . . . . ahhh . . . . aahh-choooo!"

With that sneeze, Mike was thrown away from Malcolm. He snapped his fingers, and returned to his original size. Thanks to the force of that sneeze, he was blown back to the vault, and he grabbed the moonstone.

"I win!" he called, and then dashed away from the castle. Celia was waiting for him by another porthole.

"This had better be the last time," he said. "'Cause I've had just about enough of this!"

"This is the last one," Celia said. She handed him yet another scroll. "Your mission, if you choose to accept it, and you must, is to retrieve the jewel encrusted saber of Geridiad."

"And this is the last time, right?"

"Yes."

"Good!"

Mike jumped through the porthole and landed in another medieval kingdom. He was glad it was almost over. He had just about all he could take of this journey. He had a feeling his battery was going to run dead any time now, so he had to make this fast. He walked into a castle, which appeared to be unguarded. He looked around, and scanned the hallway. It was empty. Then he walked down that said hallway, and through a door. In the center of the room, in a glass case, was a sword. The handle had jewels all over it.

"That's gotta be it," Mike said. He snapped his fingers to open the case. Then he picked up the saber and stared at it.

"So where was this thing when I had to fight that dragon?" he asked.

"Halt!" somebody shouted. "Who goes there?!"

"Ain't nobody here but us chickens," Mike said. A light came on. He was caught.

"You're trying to steal the saber," a guard said.

"I need it," Mike replied. "It's a long story, and very detailed, and you probably wouldn't believe it anyway, so we can just make this easier for all of us if you'll let me take the sword and I'll be on my way."

Mike started towards the door, but two guards blocked him with their spears.

"Take him to the king!" they shouted.

Mike groaned. Time was running out. He had to get back to Lucretia fast. He was thrown into the throne room after awhile, still carrying the sword.

"Here's the intruder, your majesty," the guard said.

"What do you mean by coming in here and stealing my saber?" the king asked.

"It's a long story," Mike said. "Look, I'll give it to you in brief. I need the sword to save my friend's life."

"I'm not one to give anything from my treasure room to intruders. However, I may let you have it if you win it in a fight."

"What have I got to lose?"

Mike agreed, and he met his challenger on a battlefield. He was the king's strongest man, Haviland, There wasn't much to him. He was about as tall as Mike, and just as skinny.

"You've got to be kiddin' me," Mike said.

"This is hand to hand combat," Haviland said. "And there are a few rules to follow."

"Okay, what?"

"None of this," Haviland then punched Mike in the stomach. "And none of this." Then he stomped on Mike's foot.

"Yeouch!" Mike shouted.

"This is illegal, too," Haviland said, and he hit Mike over the head with a mallet. "And so's this."

Haviland grabbed Mike by the shoulders and threw him against the wall. Mike stood up. He knew something fishy was going on.

"I get it," he said. "No punches to the stomach, no stompin' on the feet, no hittin' your opponent on the head with a mallet, and no throwin' your opponent. But how about this?"

Mike kicked Haviland in the stomach, karate style. Then he flung him over his shoulder, and swung him in a circle, and then threw him on the ground.

"No, that's not allowed, either," Haviland said. "Also know scratching, biting, pushing, shoving, and kicking below the belt. Now that you know the rules, let's fight!"

A whistle blew. Haviland jumped on top of Mike and began twisting his arm behind his back. Mike gnashed his teeth, and groaned. This was painful! He didn't know what in the world he could do, either. He had a feeling this wasn't a fair fight, since Haviland was kicking, scratching, biting, everything else that he said Mike couldn't do. He quickly went through the rules again, and nobody said he couldn't use his magic. He snapped his fingers, and Haviland was thrown off him.

"Hey, that's not fair!" Haviland shouted.

"Ah, ah, ah," Mike said. "You said no kickin', hittin', scratchin', bitin', pushin', shovin', et cetera, et cetera. You didn't say I couldn't use my magic!"

Mike thrust his hand forward and gave Haviland one of the biggest zaps known to man. When he retracted his hand, Haviland fell to the ground in defeat. Mike walked up to the king, and took the saber.

"I'll be takin' that now," he said, and he walked off.

A porthole opened from out of nowhere and Mike jumped into it, and soared straight into the Council Room. Lucretia was waiting for him. Mike practically threw the sword at her feet.

"There, I've completed your stupid test," he said. "Now can we leave?!"

"Hmm," Lucretia said, thinking it over. "True, you completed your mission. You've brought us all nine treasures, perfectly flawless. However . . . ."

"However?!"

"However you ran out of time."

"Ran out of time?! Whattaya ran out of time?! I made it back before the three days were up!"

Lucretia laughed sneakily and leaned against the giant crystal she had Jerry frozen in. Then she pointed to a clock on the wall. It said one minute after midnight.

"You're one minute late," she said.

"One minute?!" Mike shouted. "Oh for Pete's sake, it's only one minute!"

"Your instructions were three days, and that was it. You're one minute late, and I can not tolerate tardiness. So sorry, Nesmith. But Blavat must suffer the consequences now."

"Why you dirty double crosser! I completed my missions in the time allotted. I was one minute late, which shouldn't matter! You told me if I brought you those nine treasures, in perfect condition, within three days, you'd let Jerry go. You wouldn't dare double cross me Lucretia! Nobody double crosses Mike Nesmith!"

"Easy there, Michael. Look, I may be persuaded into letting him go, if you complete one more test."

"Another test? What do I have to go after this time?"

"Nothing. Follow me."

Mike followed Lucretia out the door, to some sort of garden, only it was an empty garden. The place looked dead. There was a fountain in the center of the square, but it was bone dry, and falling apart. Lucretia and her Council stood on the sidelines, with the crystal prison. Mike stared at her.

"What am I supposed to do?" he asked.

"Bring this garden to life," Lucretia said. "But I must warn you, no witch has been able to do it."

"I'll do it."

"This oughta be a scream."

Lucretia went back to the sidelines. Mike snapped his fingers, and changed his clothes. He was wearing all black again, including a black cape, and even a genuine witch's hat. Then he cracked his knuckles.

"Fingers, don't fail me now," he said.

Mike closed his eyes, and raised his hands into the air. Magic shot out of them, and sailed to the fountain. Once it hit, the fountain straightened up, and filled with water. Mike waved his arm, and a bush that sported brown leaves turned green, as well as all the other shrubbery around the garden. With a wave of his hand, Mike created red roses in some of the bushes. Then he created a variety of other flowers, of different shapes and colors. The iron gates in front of the garden lost their rust, and were now a shimmering gold. Mike then aimed his magic at the sky, and it shot upward. The gray sky turned blue, and the black clouds turned white.

"And now, for my grand finale," he said. Mike thrust his hands forward and smashed the crystal case into pieces. Jerry was broken out of his sleep. He looked up at Mike and smiled. Then he passed out.

"Well, at least I got him out," he said.

"He did it," Joel said.

"I don't believe it," Edward muttered.

"And so you don't try and double cross me again, Lucretia," Mike said, raising his hands into the air. He gathered a ball of magic in his hands, and then threw it at Lucretia and her Council. All five of them screamed, and disappeared, never to be heard from again.

Mike smiled, snapped his fingers, and a porthole appeared. He picked up Jerry, and jumped through the porthole. He was at the Screen Gems studio, wearing his regular clothes, as was Jerry. Mike set the DJ on the sofa that was in the middle of the set, and waited for him to wake up. He did after awhile.

"Mike?" he asked.

"Yeah," Mike said. "It's me."

"Wow, I just had the weirdest dream. I was taken to the Other Realm, then thrown into this crystal. I don't remember much after that, I think they put me in suspended animation or something. Next thing I know, the crystal explodes, and there you are standing there wearing this witch get up performing magic tricks!"

"Strange dream."

"Yeah. I gotta tell you, Mike, I think I've been working too hard!"

"I think you have, too, Jerry."

Mike smiled and walked off. He sure wasn't going to tell Jerry what really happened, that was for sure!

The End